so marks the end of bleach...for now

meh, i just finished watching the last episode of bleach...well, it's not really the last episode, i simply caught up with all 154 of the japanese releases...and the next episode doesn't come out until january 9th!!!! and avatar is on a break, too...sigh...maybe i should go back to watching naruto: shippuden...i think i'm like five episodes behind...or something like that...waah! and all my favorite manga haven't been updated in a while (or, like hanazakari no kimitachi e, are completed)...it makes me sad, it does. now how am i going to amuse myself in my free time? i should just watch death note...i mean, that was a pretty awesome manga...still, it's depressing...you know how many things i have to keep up with? all right. i'm keeping up with vampire knight, bleach, naruto (anime and manga), avatar: the last airbender, ouran high school host club, and several other randoms here and there...ack! there's a new bleach movie called "diamond dust rebellion" that just came out in the japanese theatres on the 22nd, and it's totally awesome-looking! it's about my favorite character: hitsugaya toshirou...and, even tho it's out already, i have to wait months to see it! all because it has to come out in stores and then be translated (tho i'm sure there're going to be a few pirated versions, but those'll be crappy quality so no point even looking for those...)! it makes me sad...hmmm...there was a naruto: shippuden movie coming out, tho i don't know when that was...perhaps i'll go check that out...bye, all!

my memory is slipshod, at best

b-109...i have to remember that...why? well, because. that's right. no real explanation...why would i need one? well, possibly to help me remember what that vague reference means. well, hopefully i'll remember without details but, then, one never knows. does anyone ever think about time? oh, i don't mean the time of day or whatever. no, i mean in the broader sense of the term. time is eternal and finite all at the same time. but does it stretch on forever or circle back? ir is it simply endless, following no direction whatsoever, simply there, as one might put it? i don't know...does anyone? then again, time, like anything else, i suppose, is what you make of it. time is the ultimate illusion and yet the only real thing we can claim. circles within circles. everything, it seems is part of a larger circle. but that doesn't necessarily hold true for time. history repeats itself, running in a never-ending cycle. but history is history and can't repeat itself. history, after all, is the collection of past moments. so it can't be repeated. no, humans, however, often repeat themselves. oh, societies and situations change, but we can't help ourselves, can we? we simply go on and on, in the same endless wheel and expect everything else to follow. so, using that logic, wouldn't time be linear? but, if one were to apply that logic to anything else, nothing would go around in circles. it would all be an illusion. which is exactly my point, as confusing as it is. we can't fathom anything goign out of the strict lines and boundaries we ourselves live by. so we automatically assume everything is as it should be and so everything is, despite how illogical things seem at a particular moment. but, i didn't mean to go off into some little rant. actually, that wasn't my intention. it just goes to show what happens when i blog without anything to say...

the christmas that almost wasn't

my christmas morning went fairly well, i think. well, despite my having woken up at 5:00 with a migraine. yeah, that kinda sucked...luckily, though, after about a half-hour debate, i managed to roll out of bed and find some aspirin. all was good. well, my mom woke me up at seven so that everyone could open their presents. i got sweaters and money and...a HEATED BLANKET!!!!! oh, it's so great! you know, i think i mentioned to my mom (as a joke, really) a couple of months ago that i was eventually going to get myself an electric blanket, considering that i'm always cold (i have, currently, seven blankets and my new heated blanket on my bed...and yet no one else is cold...go figure...). well, she got me one! isn't that awesome?!? well, i think it is, but only because i'm won over by weird things like that. i thought things would be weird, considering, but, strangely enough, my mom and i fall back into this same rhythm, and don't speak about things...it's like the whole thing is totally forgotten or, rather, didn't happen. but it did. still, my christmas so far has been great and tomorrow i'm going shopping...and then possibly i will see phil and anna in a couple of days! oh, gosh! i haven't seen phil in so long! i'm so excited. he's the best, really. he's just great, so fun and bouncy to be around.
well, anyway...i should go...last night i got hit with about three story plots, all from different angles, and now i have to go write them down. alas, if only sugar plum fairies danced in my head instead of characters from stories not yet written...

bad days always begin with good news

my cousin was born last night. yeah, she was born around nine and weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces. i heard she was really, really cute and that she already has everyone at her beck and call. after being woken up at eight in the morning with the news, my day went fairly okay. and then stuff happened. a simple sentence led to a misunderstanding and then someone blew everything way out of proportion. so i'm stuck feeling guilty when i only said one little thing. and it wasn't even mean or anything, you know? but someone took it the wrong way and now things are tumbling down. funny, though, how when bad things happen they don't hit you for a little while. in a couple of days, i'm sure i'll feel it but for right now, i'm rather calm. odd, that. so, i'll explain things when i get back to school. for right now, though, i'd rather not go into it...

if only i didn't ever have to tie my shoes...

nnh. you know, i had been feeling off for a while, but i wasn't entirely sure what was wrong. I mean, there were times when i felt like i was living out three different lives, and none were mine. have you ever felt that way? stil, since quitting my job, i really began to understand what was wrong. and, i can't really explain it, but i'll try. it was like three different colors were splashed across my life, each with it's own tangle of mangled shades and feelings. And at the center was me, lost in a sea of gray clouds. It was as if i were searching for myself in those mismatched colors, never realizing that each was me. And yet none were. but it's better now. my days aren't so cut up. i think i just needed to stop for a moment and think about it. i also have to think about cutting a few knotted strings, too...you know, random trappings which only serve to distract you. yup. you know, i would love to know what a psychiatrist would think of me. that could be interesting. but, you know, i'm probably too overdramatic. best not to overthink things. well, since i'm currently distracting myself from deep thought, i think i shall leave you all to watch bleach.
oh, but wait! there are friend/family updates: angela was in the hospital today to get her toncils taken out. everything went fine, but i think i'll have her explain the afternoon to you all; i'm sure her account would be much more amusing. i must say, tho, that my ecperience was, apparently, quite amusing. yeah...apparently, when i woke up, my world turned blue...and i remember that the "wild and crazy dreams" the doctors predicted i would have while under did not, in fact, actually happen. i had completely normal dreams. weird, huh? and i found the world, apparently, to be moving far too fast for me...i do remember, tho, that i was really cold. yeah, they had like five heated blankets on me...angela seemed cold, too. you know, she went to visit me after i had my toncils taken out...and i visited her! liz and amber came, too, and we had quite the time. we completely transformed that hospital room.
well, my aunt was supposed to have her baby over the weekend. she didn't. so she went in to the doctor's on tuesday night and they induced her. only she still hasn't had the baby. apparently she's only like six centimeters dialated and the pain medicine they gave her (that really powerful stuff they shoot right into your back) isn't working at all. so she's in a lot of pain right now. but she'll pull through. i'm confident. anyway, the doctor's going to visit her sometime this evening and if she's still not dialating correctly, they're going to give my aunt a c-section. so my cousin should be born either tonight or tomorrow. hopefully.
well, i'm going to go watch bleach now...bye!

parents can be stupid, too...mine especially

all right. i'm going to complain. seeing as how my parents are, in fact, hindering my health, i believe i have the right. you know, my parents smoke in the house, but, as i have asked, they do not smoke while i am in a room with them. so they move from room to room, depending on where i am or what i'm doing. well, apparently, my mother doesn't like that. "i am sick and tired of moving from room to room, stephanie!" she yelled a couple of minutes ago. yeah, well, i'm sick and tired of not being able to breathe like a normal person and that is, most definitely, through no fault or choice of my own...but, then, i forgot you were born craving cigarettes, mom. please, forgive me my lapse in memory...anyway, i said, "yeah, well i don't like having asthma, but there it is..." to which my stepdad replied, "you don't have asthma."
...no. i don't have asthma. i've been deluding myself for six years now. yep. and i've even tricked my doctor into believing it, too. grr. i must say, to all the parents out there, that you are not God. you are not infalliable and you must realize this. instead of getting annoyed by a child's simple request regarding their health, you really should at least listen and consider. because doing anything less makes you look like a selfish idiot.
...okay...i'm finished. really, i just needed to get that out there. i've lived around smokers my whole life...and my asthma went untreated for quite a long time...and my family wonders why i complain so much. sigh. oh well, anyway, i should probably stop this little half-rant...it does no good to rail uselessly against my parents on a blog...still, bad habits and all that...well, bye!

washing dishes makes me rant...

i both love and hate washing dishes. i love washing dishes...i just hate washing my family's dishes...okay...why can they not understand the neccesity of rinsing their plates off directly after they use them? i mean seriously. they just throw their dishes into the sink, stuff just stuck on, and walk away, letting food cake on the dishes i have to spend a lot of time cleaning. and why do i have to spend a lot of time cleaning them???? BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS A BUNCH OF SLOBS!!!!! grr! ahhhh! if i have to spend any more of my time trying to wash off gued-on syrup and BBQ sauce, i am going to do something rash (such as throwing those plates away!)! AND it's mostly food i would never in my life ever consider eating! because, ewww, they have horrid taste in food (maybe it's just me, but this is my rant and i'm not allowing any self-depricating comments here). meh! it's not so hard, really. simply turn the water on, and hold the plate under the water for a couple seconds until most of the food is fairly off. i can deal with the rest. but, no, if your entire plate is covered with an inch-thick layer of syrup (why so much syrup!!!?!?!?!?!?!), i'm going to take it that you're lazy and slovenly. yes. why, why must i be saddled with people who don't understand the word "sanitary?" sniff. the water makes my nail polish flake off...
okay, i'm done. what now? what other chore have they contrived for the now nearly-liberated stephanie? sniff. i'm cold, i want to play final fantasy XII, and my mother is screaming at the football game!!!!! i want to go back to work (i got food i liked there)! well, i don't really want to go back to work. i'm finished with the place. i'd much rather return to school.
okay, so my rant is over. you can all thank me later. well, so long!

bleh

all right. so i quit my job. that's right. well, mainly because will was fired. yup. and then there's the fact that domino's has been a bit...wretched in regards to its employees. so, i quit. and i feel really happy about it. i do feel a tiny bit guilty, tho, for having left in seemingly such a hurry. but, this now means that i'll have to find another job. not to worry, tho. i know of a couple places that are hiring. so it's not the end of the world or anything of that nature. well, i'm going to leave now, to enjoy my small independence...i think i'll go read or sleep or something...bye now!

ah, finally...something worth posting...

yesterday, my mom took me to the bank and i got a new checking account. basically b/c my mom doesn't want to have to deal with any of my college expenses (well, until she absolutely has to, that is). anyway, after that, we went to the dollar store. we were just walking around and i suddenly heard my name being called. i turned but, as i couldn't see anyone, i continued on my way until a very loud "effie" rang through the store. It was angela!!!! and mugen. they, apparently, were out with mrs. millie and brittany, shopping for stuff, too. yes. apparently, mugen smelled vanilla and immediately assumed i was in the store. and angela went and found me. well, to make a long story short, i ended up at angela's house for the night. and it was FUN. tho, we did spend a while at the gas station. yep. and MC almost ran angela and i down. not really. but she was there, too. at the gas station, that is. well, after we filled up, we went to my house and got my things. and i got...DDR! that's right. Dance Dance Revolution. so we got to angela's house and broke out DDR. after a little while of that, i switched to guitar hero...did you know that it's extremely hard to switch between those two games? it messes with the mind. well, after GH, i played DDR again. and then GH again. and then i read. but, basically, angela and i had a lot of fun messing around with DDR. and, since i never have the opportunity to play the game at my house, i gave DDR to angela. hey, DDR is HARD. especially when the mat keeps moving and so you have to migrate with it until you've come to place the whole room between yourself and the TV, not to mention a few pieces of furniture.
oh, i just texted my mom, you know, to say good morning and everything. well, she texts back and asks for my address. i'm thinking, okay, she means e-mail, right? well, when i asked her, she said, "no, like to send cards and stuff to." so, here i'm thinking i've somehow been kicked out of the house in the single night that i was away and so i call her up. well, apparently, she didn't look at the number and just thought it was my older brother who was texting her. it was horrible and funny and the same time. she kept apologizing because she felt so bad for scaring me and i was just laughing my head off. so, i'm in a fairly good mood today. but now i must go b/c i have a new, unread book (angela's book) to read. bye!

erm...nothing really exciting has happened to me in a while, i mean, besides the writer's club/book club party we had this morning, but that wasn't as exciting as the fact that people liked my muffins. that's right. i made chocolate chip muffins. and they're all gone. so, basically, i have nothing to blog about. oh. i braided my hair today. it took me a while to get it to look all right, but i managed. well, it's second block right now and angela and i are in the library. again. it's not so bad. since our group finished our little project thingie monday and mrs. nichols is letting everyone finish up, we decided to leave the class, but only because angela wanted peace and i wanted...well, i don't really know what i want to do. odd, huh? my life, i'm afraid, is in bad need of excitement. really. either that, or i need some new books. books. yes...mayhap my mom will take me to the book nook this afternoon if i ask her really nicely...yup. i have money, too. my great-aunt sandy just sent me some for christmas. aww...she's only ever forgotten me once. she always sends stuff. and her cards are so cute! i wonder how she's doing. i miss that side of my family. my mom is always saying that we'll go visit, but then she changes her mind at the last minute. hopefully, though, i'll be going up to pennsylvania for spring break. and then i'll get to meet my new cousin, who is definitely being born this week. yeah, the doctors told my aunt that they're going to induce her if she doesn't have the baby. They're rather concerned about her health and whatnot. but she's doing fine, i hear. and so is the baby. gosh, my grandmother is so excited. she's acting as if this is her first grandchild. aww. poor lexi. spoiled before she was even born. well, when she learns to read, i'll send her lots and lots of books. oh, lord. the poor thing, she is going to get pink-shot when she's born b/c my aunt and grandmother have done absolutely everything in pink. i'll have to send my cousin some darker shades, just to give her a bit of variety. well, the bell just rung, so i have to go. bye!

if the sky was green instead of blue, what color would the clouds be?

so i've finished my essay, well, besides a few corrections here and there, and i am rewarding myself with a marathon of Bleach. meanwhile, my mom is busy bustling around the house, putting up christmas decorations and whatnot. My stepdad has fled the house in terror of my mother's whilrwind fury, and my brother is amusing himself with some show or game or movie...football, maybe? anyway, when i get everything in order concerning my essay, i shall have to go through the unbearable process of putting it onto my e-mail and printing it out at school. lovely. which means i'll have to completely re-format it. still, it'll be fine. i'll get it together, present it to kriegy, and hope i get a decent grade. yup. mostly out of my hands. hmm.
well, to further enlighten you all about my doings and happenings, i shall continue, though i must admit from here on out it's not too exciting. i'm going to go as long as i can watching bleach (well, until i'm finally kicked off the computer or have to go to work) and then return to dominoes, where hopefully i won't explode. mugen was fired last night. and for nothing at all. it's odd, tho. mugen's been there the longest, knows everything there is to know, works fast, and does nearly everything perfectly. and yet he was fired. and replaced with a guy who shakes when he makes misshapen pizzas. makes me sad. and i won't be able to see him much at all anymore. which is extremely sad. people are quite nonsensical, really. i wonder, though, whether or not anyone can change that.
ah, i shouldn't watch the clouds too often. it fills my head with unusual questions. and, apparently, causes people to worry about me. it's sweet that they care, but i don't want to worry anyone. i'm fine, just reaching enlightenment, or going stark raving mad (well, not so much raving), or whatever. so don't worry, ne?
anyway, i should go. i must return to bleach!

"what is this?" she asked me, a smile in her sorrow-filled eyes...

so nothing happens to me, so my life propbably sucks. but i don't care. the world, i think, is a jumble of broken things, and people themselves are shards placed haphazardly together, their edges cutting those around them. but, occassionaly, there are times when the edges soften and you see in that person what they could be, if only they knew. there are moments when you look up at the sky and realize just how small you always were. and it comforts you, because the world has so many things left to see. even if you were to die tomorrow, your life will never be over, because somewhere, some place where the sky touches the earth, there are a thousand possibilities waiting for you. it's a comfort, i think, when things seem bad, when the world seems darker than the night. If people will only look around, they'll realize there's so much more than the miseries in life. anything is beautiful, i think, if you look past what is there to see.
so that didn't make sense, but believe me, i've said a great many more things which make even less sense than the above. Don't be swallowed in misery just because it's an easy thing to do.

I'm allowed to have my quirks

I can say, absolutely, that last night's hour-long episode of Avatar: the Last Airbender was just awesome! Some big secrets were revealed and, though I had already figured out most of them, I was pleasantly surprised by their having been revealed. Not to mention that it was just a cool episode. I think I liked "Day of Black Sun" more than I liked "The Puppetmaster," which totally went into an ability I and several other fanfic-writers predicted. For most people, being able to figure out all the secrets behind the show normally makes them lose interest, but Avatar is really a neat little show and figuring out evereything just makes me want to watch to see how it all plays out.
yeah, so i wanted to bubble about avatar for a bit. other than that, though, nothing much has happened to me...well, except for some very cool dreams, but, then, that always seems to be the way of my dreams.
My house is empty right now; everyone has gone off to bowling...so i can pretty much do whatever i want...it's a pity there's nothing i really want to do. sad, really. well, actually, there is something i want to do. I want to watch the next episode of Avtar. but, alas, I cannot. so i shall have to amuse myself in some other fashion...but not by reading fanfictions. there are hardly any of any realy quality, so i might as well not even look...i know! i can write another chapter on my existing Avatar fanfic and then start another! won't that be fun? it will. all right! then i shall say farewell! bye!

tales from beyond

so i was out sick today, as you already know. i don't quite understand it, really. i thought yesterday that i was getting better, but it turns out i wasn't. i woke up this morning without a voice, the ability to breathe through my nose, and the ability to walk in a straight line without running into a suddenly non-stationary wall. so i was sent back to bed. where i gladly stayed until noon. i woke up again, took some medicine my mom got me, and fell asleep three hours later (after about an hour and a half of forcing myself to stay awake). and i just woke up again half an hour ago. and i'm really, really tired. but my voice came back and i can breathe! so that's the report. now, if my brother can be quiet for more than a minute, i guess i'll go back to bed...but i should probably eat breakfast first...

I love Manga!!!

KYAHHHH!!!!!! Ouran High School Host Club has been updated and chapter 56 is now up!!! after two months!!!!oh, this is wonderful...aww, but I am sad that I have finished Hanazakari no Kimitachi E...makes me sad, but I have found two new mangas to read, too! Vampire Knights (which has more depth to it than most of the other manga fluff) and Full Moon wo Sagashite (is really fluffy but has its moments). Still, I am totally psyched about the new Host Club update! and it's all about my favorite character: Kyoya! he's so cool. He's not really the main character, or the one everyone thinks the main character is going to get involved with, but he's still a really great character. He is just presented as having so much more beneath the surface. so, anyway, I must affirm my love of manga. and anime. yep. thank god there are people willing to cater to such addictions! well, i must go. dakara sayonara!!!!

Thanksgiving fun

grr...you know, i don't understand the whole appeal of thanksgiving...well, i used to, when i went to my mommom pat's house for thanksgiving dinner. but now, it's just a holiday with turkey. it seems to have lost most of its meaning, you know? perhaps that's because my mom is so convinced that someone's going to ruin her thanksgiving that she gets really uptight. and the fact that my stepdad just cannot help but be an ass. so those two are yelling at each other all day while i hide in my room because i really don't feel like watching football all day long. my little brother hides in his room because everyone is yelling at him to get out of the way or shut up. lovely. and it never fails that, every year, during dinner, my eating habits are called into question once more. "you don't like mashed potatoes?" no. of course not. i hate mashed potatoes. you know this. i never eat mashed potatoes. "well, these mashed potatoes are real mashed potatoes...mmmm! aren't they good, honey? pete, aren't they really good?...you should really have some. go on, have some..." grr...and like four other sides are shoved in my face, too. and then, because i stay quiet and ignore everyone, my mother accuses me of ruining her thanksgiving meal. "why can't you just try some? just a little bit? everyone will leave you alone then." because the foods make me sick. i've told you this hundreds of times. you've actually witnessed the aftermath before...seriously. ah, but it's all good. at least they don't bother me about dessert...and, despite the tension and sniping, the atmosphere is pretty good...ah, makes me want to play final fantasy...
uggh...i feel horrid. my nose is all stopped up and my throat feels wretched. i want to faint every time i stand, too, which means i probably have a bit of a fever. but! the turkey shall revive me...! oh, but do you know how horrible it is to sneeze every five minutes? and not just regular sneezes. no, i mean high-pitched, throw you back two feet, bounce you off of walls sneezes. now imagine sneezing like that every five minutes while sitting in a chair that rolls. not pretty. my dogs have taken to avoiding the area around me...and, horror of horrors! i ran out of tissues!!!!! it's horrible!!!!! yep, i've already used up a giant box of tissues...
oh, i went to work last night...i never realized just how many people hate cooking the night before thanksgiving. but, as i suspected, there were lots and lots of people. and only three insiders to handle everything. i was on phones, on the makeline, at the oven...yep, it was a busy night. i'm sure people were a little aggravated with our bad times last night but, in order to make them happy, my manager and i decided to make the pizzas extremely good. i mean, like, when someone ordered a pizza with everything on it, they got it with TONS of stuff. if our owner had been there, he would have had a heart attack. those pizzas looked damn good. they were really tasty-looking. and the customers were soooooo nice! hardly anyone complained. i think they all understood. there, of course, was one person who called and complained about their order just because they wanted a free pizza, but we get calls like that all the time. i know they wanted a free pizza because they called back and said that they had paid for two pizzas and only got one. we looked back on the order and saw that we only charged them for one because they only ordered one. and i took the order. they only wanted one pizza. one pizza. it's okay, tho...they were a bit tipsy...
well, everything's quiet right now...well, except for the football game...my mom has that turned up to deafening proportions in the living room.
oh! and angela! i watched part of the chicago parade...i didn't see you in the part i watched, but i taped the rest of it. so, maybe i'll see the band later on! oh, and are you warm? i hope it wasn't too bad for you, tho it was snowing...congrats, tho, for going!

Yay for Hana Kimi!

all right! i've found my latest manga obsession! well, in my desperation for more Ouran High School Host Club, i decided to find a new manga to distract myself with...and found Hanazakari no Kimitachi E (translated to "For You In Full Blossom)!!!!! and i love it! i haven't been able to stop reading it. and, luckily, it's finished, so i won't have to wait for updates!!!! yes!!!! ah, these shoujo mangas, so addictive! mwahaha! oh, anime people are so pretty!!!!
okay...enough of the gushing...let's get to how i'm feeling...ahhhh!!!!! i feel miserable!!!! someone gave me a cold! grrr...school is nothing but a cess pool filled with germy miscreants!!! thank god for friends like angela! she understands the importance of shying away from those germy people!!!! waaah! there are so many!!!
grr...you know what? i've been reading too much manga...i've been slipping in and out of manga-talk and am even beginning to take on those sarcastic little side notes, too! waaaaay to much manga...and waaaaay too much time on my hands...hmm...i want to watch some anime...i believe there's another episode of Naruto: Shippuden out...
well, here's to anime and large-sized tissue boxes!!!

so life is falling down around my ears. luckily, i'm too busy trying not to notice to really notice. so i'll continue on, having random, angry outbursts or make vague comments here and there. and hope things'll turn around. after all, if you have a good attitude for everything but still stay cynical, not only will you not be disappointed, but you'll be okay. you'll not lose yourself when everyone else has already given up. Or they begin to wonder how exactly they got to where they are.
on the bright side, tho, i'm going to angela's house this weekend. that should be fun and distracting. you know, right now i'm listening to mozart..."lacrimosa" is the song ...it reminds me of the song they played on the lion king when mufasa died. yup. that's what it makes me think of. anyway, i really like that song. i forgot how much i enjoy classical music. i think i'll go find some more (and thank angela for reminding me that classical music does exist). you know, it also reminds me of the Lord of the Rings music and some of the older music for final fantasy. yeah...okay, so i'm off to go check my e-mail and see if my fanfic has anymore fans...speaking of, i have to start working on the next chapter (and i really should write some more on my other fanfic). okay...
oh, and gomen nasai. i didn't really mean to go off on a mini tangent at the beginning of this post.
sayonara!

Peter Pan

funny, isn't it, how time moves? sometimes it passes quickly, as if carried by silver wings. And other times it drifts lazily, like a bottle lost at sea. Time moves differently for everyone, and yet stays the same. Sit for a moment and think of the person next to you. Though you might find the day slow, to them, things move without pause. Or they walk beneath the water while you skate on the ice above. What is it, this undefinable thing which fills us? What is it that makes the very air whisper out a breathy sigh? I feel that surely the world is still, that it moves with deliberate hesitation, but the laws of science dispute such feelings. The mind, it seems, works hand in hand with the heart, to bring a world without boundaries, without laws of motion or time. Time flows around us and yet we are ever within time. Can we pause for a moment, to see in sharp clarity, the flutter of a falling leaf? Can we stop the world around twirling petals? We dig in our heels, never noticing that the sand beneath our feet has already turned to water. Time is a river, they say. But what if it isn't? What if we are all merely floating, submerged in an endless sea?

bleh. that's been brewing in me since last night. speaking of last night...yesterday i posted another chapter of my fanfic and got an even bigger response than yesterday! it makes me happy.

Peter Pan was both very foolish and very wise.

The Concert:

the chorus concert went rather well, as did my solo...tho i did have a bit of a slip up...yes, i messed up but, luckily, i acted as if nothing was wrong and went onward, righting myself as quickly as possible without messing up further...and i was also a bit confused about what to do after my solo, considering cov told me a couple of different things. so, i turned a bit and stood next to cody, singing to him like a good little christine. but, hey, i sounded good. so it's all good. i think my little mess up was a combination of nerves and the fact that the microphone in front of me was glowing a distracting shade of blue. my mind blanked for a split second right before i started singing and shouted out, "BLUE!!!!!!" still, no one really noticed. i think. but, i'm telling you all now, so i think a couple more people will know...
all the other soloist did wonderfully (except for a temporary memory lapse from dustin...and cody king's throat decided to konk out for a moment). ashley, especially, did really well, but that's expected, as always. she sand the solo for "anything goes," and her voice is perfect for it...she totally owned that song. on the part of the chorus, there were a couple mistakes; mainly when girls knew the guys' part so well they accidentally went onward...but, on the whole, it was a totally wicked awesome concert...AND NOW WE GET TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!!!! aren't you excited? i am. i knew i could only take one semester of chorus this year and i chose first semester because i absolutely, positively, love christmas music. i don't know; it's just so pretty. and tomorrow we learn what we're going to sing!!!!!!!!!!!! yeeeeeee! so excited. i wonder if we'll sing "coventry carol." that, in my opinion, is the prettiest christmas song ever (well, besides "silent night, "o holy night," and "the first noel." those are a given). so, congratulate for not tripping on my insanely long dress and falling flat on my face right in front of the entire audience! and congratulate me for remembering to breathe. my breathing was handled quite well during my solo, i must say. no panicky gasps or squeaks.
oh!!!! cody and dustin were so funny! right before phantom started, they put on capes and then began to run through the church, acting like the phantom! it was great! those two, while sometimes annoying, can be quite entertaining...but i still miss patric. he was the best...
and now, to end this oddly long post, i must thank those who came to the concert in support: angela and liz, without whom i would have never gotten any pictures (thankfully, my parents couldn't make it. is it wrong that i feel so very happy about that?).

Halloween!!!!!!!!

Okay...Halloween was so uber awesome! i just had the best time! we went trick-or-treating around half the square then went off on various paths for about two hours before retreating to Angela's house, where we had this really great little party on her porch (which i helped decorate). when our numbers dwindled down to five, (me, angela, liz, mugen, and will), we ordered pizza from dominoes (and guess what? they messed up on my pizza and put it on thin crust, which i absolutely refuse to even attempt to eat), and sat around a little heater listening to music and talking. afterward, we went inside. then will left and we put in Queen of the Damned, which Mugen has been dying to watch. But mugen had to leave, which left angela, liz, and i to crash (which was within twenty minutes of mugen leaving). and, out of all the vaguery, i must say that i had a really fun time. it was great. i love halloween; it's one of my favorite times of the year (christmas surpasses it only because there are better christmas songs than halloween songs).
all right, so there was the update. i hope your halloween experience was fun, too. or at least pleasant. now...i have to go and read...or sequester myself in the warm room in the library...hmm...i suppose i shall do the latter.

on why i went to the woods...

okay, so i was at work, making a pizza, when this little poem popped into my head...it's not really good, just a sort of random thing...still...enjoy!

Oh, Thoreau, what did you do
out in the woods all alone?
"I sat and thought of things unseen,
"of God and men and earth and trees."
Good Thoreau, my dearest friend,
what happens in the night and rain?
"I cannot tell you that, young dear,
"for 'tis to each his own out here."
Still, I do but ask in all respect:
why did you go into the woods?
"That, young child, is for you to find
as you search in the Wood."

i thought it was a funny little thing, so here it is! yeah, that was all I really wanted to post about...

time for words from a rambling mind...

i was sitting in my room when this came to me...and i just had to write it down...it's sort of meaningless, but i'll put it here anyway...

Science has caught up with belief, I think. Instead of disproving the existence of God, or of some higher being, it has, instead, only given reasons to strengthen such belief. Science tells of atoms, which are, in themselves, created of the same components. We believe these tiny components hide behind no covering or skin, merely generate their own fields with which they use to keep themselves independent of the others. And yet, thinking in such a way, could one not assume that everything, then, is connected? That, despite our skins, the only things separating ourselves from the very around us are minuscule fields generated by the rotation of things so tiny we cannot ever hope to see? We believe they exist, we assume. And yet, even this basis in science is, itself, merely a belief, a blind faith of the inner workings of the universe. I myself cannot profess to understand the mysteries of either science or religion, and yet I know there lies a connection between the two. In this post-modern world, we can reconcile the two. And, yet, do we truly understand? Can we stop for a moment and ponder the enormity of what we follow? Still, should we have to? Blind faith should be simply that: blind. And yet we, as humans, question everything daily. We question the existence of the world, of the universe, of God. We believe something on faith, believing because we were told. And yet when science brings forth belief of another thing, we reject it, unwilling to open our minds to the possibility. Stubbornness, too, can rise just as surely as faith. We wish to keep science separate from belief, and belief separate from science. And yet both depend on the other. So why can we not accept things as they are? But perhaps, somehow, we do. Our faiths slowly changed, evolved, to cope with the wonders of the modern world. As our understandings of the world grew, so did our acceptance of those wonders. Science works on a series of steps and theories, yet proves nothing. A leap of faith is needed to accept what we believed was impossible. And is not religion based on the same leap? Science peels back the layers surrounding old mysteries, even as religion draws a veil over them. Two such warring actions can never come together. And yet they can, if only one believes.

so we walk alone on our paths, wondering if the road is just a road...

self-centered and horrid, two words which, at this moment, i might use to describe myself...but only facets...and this mysterious accusation is irrelevant in any case. Not only do they stem from two different conversations, they really have nothing to do with each other...in the mean time, i must express my deep and sincere regret that i didn't pay more attention to the sky today. Normally, on cloudy days such as this, my attention is captured by the contrast of the stone-gray clouds against the dark mountains, or how sometimes, if you look at just the right moment, mist rises from those dark forms and bleeds into the sky, the color of damp, ruinous stones...i want to be in a smaller house. odd thought, seeing as my house is small anyway...but i mean, when i debut into the real world, almost completely independent from the previous generation, i want a smaller house. i like warm things. i want a tiny house with one room and a teeny living room and a cramped kitchen. i want to smile at every single corner, with yellow rooms and wooden rooms and windows with curtains i can fling back just as the sun is rising...i want to be content. I don't necessarily want complete happiness, for how can i know if such happiness will be anything more than a simple, fleeting thing? but, then, i suppose all things are like that...wow...the sun just came out...funny how it makes me want to laugh...and then the clouds move over it again, plunging things suddenly into the dim. hmm...i'm hungry. i think i shall go and find something to eat...oh, i've just rediscovered robert frost...i had forgotten how much i liked his poetry...my favorites, by far, are "Fire and Ice" and "Nothing Gold Can Stay..." but i do also enjoy "Atmosphere..." and the sun's out again.

Sunday post

okay...so how did my fall break go? to tell you the truth, can't really remember much. this whole week has been nothing but reading, writing, and watching movies...oh, and there's always been music in the background. saturday i read and watched movies then went to work...sunday i read and watched movies and went to work...monday i wrote, read, and watched movies, went to work, and then went to angela's house and watched heroes...tuesday i went food shopping with angela, watched movies, and then went to see Elizabeth...wednesday, i read and watched movies, went home, read and watched movies...thursday, i wrote, read, and went to work...friday i read, watched movies, and read some more...yesterday i read and wrote (a lot!), and watched Mists of Avalon (good movie, there! and book, too!), then went to work...and watched that episode of Avatar: the Last Airbender I missed...and today has been devoted entirely to manga and to writing more of my fanfic. later I shall go to work. my life is a study of monotony...with wonderful kidnappings by angela every other week or so...it's a bit sad, really, but I don't mind. i mean, really. if you notice, reading, writing, and watching movies is just a giant escape. technically, i have had the most exciting week ever. i get to talk with ancient greeks and celts, meet merlin, travel to avalon, have fun on the beach with Fire Nation friends, hang out with werewolves, and basically go wherever I want. whenever i want, too. And when i surface, I can sit and watch the sunlight dance on my desk, or the moon shine becomingly in the night sky. I can watch cardinals hop around in trees and listen to birds sing. And I can smile as shadow leaves shift and sway on the curtains. All this seen from the haven of my little gray box, seemingly more boring than any other...but then you look inside and the walls are murals with a thousand changing scenes. It's nice.
So, my fall break was uneventful (though angela and i went to search out halloween stuff, which was fun!), and I'm eager to get back to school. But i'm glad i got some rest, even if my imagination wouldn't sleep.

Gasp! is it true?????

apparently, yes. Apparently the rumors (and speculative fanfics) are right: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore is gay. Yep, it's undoubtedly true, as J.K. Rowling herself admitted before a full house at Carnegie Hall. And Dumbledore's secret crush was none other than his friend and foe Gellert Grindelwald (hehehe...his name sounds like Grendel...Grendel chomp chomp, Grendel chomp chomp...)! Ah, perhaps this will finally put an end to all of the Dumbledore-McGonagall fanfics out there (probably not, there will be one or two really crappy ones where Dumbledore realizes he's only been fooling himself and was really in love with McGonagall the whole time...). Well, Jo's announcement was met with applause and cheers. And the out comes after Jo's recent declaration that she regards her books as a "prolonged argument for tolerance" and wants her fans to "question authority." So wow. The thought that Dumbledore was gay never really crossed my mind. But now, even more than before, I believe that Sir Ian McKellan should have taken over when the first Dumbledore passed away. I mean, my parents already get Dumbledore and Gandalf confused. And I think McKellan would be a bit truer to my depiction of Dumbledore anyway, especially since Dumbledore always sort of reflected Gandalf. Anyway, this announcement is cool. A bit shocking, yes, but cool nonetheless. Well, i have to go...my kitty looks so cute, i just have to go and pet her...

no title here today

my mom woke me up at 7:00 this morning. She was about to have a panic attack, or I might have gotten mad. But she woke me up because two of my dogs attacked our barn cat. You see, we have four big dogs we keep inside the house with us. We let them out into their little fenced-in part of our yard all the time and whatnot. And these dogs really are big. Our oldest dog, Bruno, is half rottweiler, half Australian shepherd. He's big, he's lumbering, he's fluffy and thinks he's only 12 pounds instead of 130. Our next biggest dog, Greta, is a lab. A fat lab. A fat lab who likes nothing more than wiggling around until we give her another dog biscuit. Then there are our two smallest dogs, each over 50 pounds. The first, Puppy, is a lab-terrier-border collie mix who used to be really, really hyper but now just sort of lays around all day looking pretty. The last, Maggie, is part boxer, part chow and surprisingly pretty; her tongue is splotched with black. So those are my dogs, spoiled rotten to the bone. Outside our house, we have various other animals. We have geese, we have a cat (or cats, we think), field mice, an oppossum, random pretty birds, cows, and rabbits. Now my cat, Kissandra, is a pretty little tabby with lovely tawny eyes. The nicest thing ever, if a bit skittish. She loves nothing more than to jump the fence and go into my dogs' yard so that she can sleep in the shed right beside our house. I've always disliked that and I've always disliked the fact that my parents decided our dogs should have a yard that encircles that shed. Well, anyway, Maggie and Greta attacked poor Kissandra this morning. Luckily, my mom was able to get them away and into the house. But she woke me up and I went out, got Kissandra, and told my mom to close off our sunroom. She did and I brought Kissandra inside and now I'm just watching her to make sure she's all right. While my mom cries and goes back and forth from the sunroom and the rest of the house, blaming herself about the whole thing. Really, it's not her fault our dogs finally decided they were actually going to do something other than sleep.
I'm still more shocked about them actually getting up the energy to run after Kissandra than about Kissandra getting hurt. Luckily, however, Kissandra's not bleeding. I don't know if she's really okay, but we're going to wait a little while before taking her to the vet. She just seems to be a little woozy right now. I hope she's all right.
All right, so now that I'm trappd in here on kitty-watch, I might as well use my time to my advantage and watch some anime or work on some of my stories and such...maybe some monty python...

Ack!

Boredom. It is only the first day of Fall Break and already I am bored out of my mind. I'm stuck at home and so confused as to what I want to do. And not a new book in sight! But, luckily, out of boredom comes great inspiration. Over the course of the last two days, I've had no fewer than five ideas for various stories. And I'm feeling good about that hundred-and-thirty page monstrosity that's been waiting on file. I think I can finally get past that one character...but I'll have to sit and stew for a bit longer. I should probably get cracking on rewriting the story I keep promising myself I'll rewrite. Nothing big, mind you, just some things I need to edit and such...but I really don't want to. I finished the story, it's over, no more work needed. except it needs to be edited. grrrrrr...Well, I have a week to play around with...and then I have to read Kriegy's essays. that's not too bad; I've already read a couple. The Darwin thing and the Communist Manifesto were surprisingly good reads...But what to do in the meantime, when my brain is all jumbled up with multiple storylines? hmmm...I'm so very bored...perhaps I shall go eat something...ramen, maybe...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to start a story? well, for me, I mean. First, i get a sense of a character. And then their story slowly unfolds. But do I just pick a random name and start writing? No! I have to go into lengthy detail about the smallest things which have hardly any relevance to anything besides my own peace of mind...and the name? it has to actually mean something to me. The name must suit the character somewhat. All that insanity is why I was up until five this morning, scribbling in some random notebook...with hardly any of my latest story written out. Because my little background had to be completed before I could write past the first couple of pages.
I'm excited about the Pathways contest. Did you know that I've won third place in the prose contest since my freshman year? yep, random little fact. I hope I get third place this year (no aiming for the top for me!)...it will complete my highschool acomplishments (not counting, of course, the biggest accomplishment of all: graduation). You know, not many people have entered anything into the Pathways contest. It's sad. Now, ready yourself for blatant advertising...
The Pathways Contest is once again being held and the deadline is almost up! If you have any poems, songs, artwork, or prose (stories, essays, etc.), then submit them to Pathways! You might just win some extra cash. Not only that, but all winners will be published in the Pathways Literary Magazine of 2008!!! and if your work shows up, you get a free copy!!!!! So please, please submit your works to Mrs. Durbin in the Library!
All right. My blatant advertising is now over. You can breathe a sigh of relief...
...well, that took up a couple of minutes...now, to tackle the rest of the day...

so what happens now?

Reading about the Katrina essays yesterday made me wonder; what would I decide if I had to make a decision regarding the rebuilding of New Orleans? And I must say that I am not entirely certain I would be capable of giving a clear and decisive answer. After all, I am quite divided on the issue. For the most part, I say yes, rebuild. All that history, all that color, cannot go to waster. Besides, some of my favorite vampire novels take place in New Orleans and what shall happen if New Orleans is left in ruins. Poor, sorrowful Lestat. and Nick will never forgive Acheron, not in a million years. I can almost see it, that idealistic, wonderful version of New Orleans, where even the ghost seem to be flesh and blood. And I want that rebuilt. I want to see it. There is, however, another side of me entirely, which believes that we shouldn't mess with such ruin. Though some might not think it, there is a slight beauty to the destruction of a great city, despite what filth remains when the water recedes. If, for a moment, you step away from the reality, if only for a moment, you can almost see the macabre frailty of a city which once thrived. Yes, the ground is discolored with moss and mold, yes there is a sodden house, its once white facade grey and cracking. But there might also be a silent tree, twisted and bare, which no longer whispers in the breeze. And there is a sad beauty in that. But once the picture fades, you are left with reality: the sea swept through New Orleans and revealed what lay beneath the vibrant surface.
Is it really worth rebuilding? Can we truly hope to harness the power of nature? We thought we had when the levees were built and, yet, they created more problems than they helped. By building levees, we raised the river. Silt collected and built up the land beneath the water. The river grew and yet the surrounding land did not. Yes, we can build levees which we believe will never break, but what point is there to that? The river has cut a path through America for far longer than we have lived. The delta shifts and moves with every year in a cycle as old as the earth. Do we truly believe that we are in the right to disturb such a pattern?
So New Orleans might be rebuilt. But whatever glory it might reestablish, whatever mask it might don, it can no longer hide its face. We have seen the dregs; everything has been laid bare. Even if we rebuild, will it ever recover its former facade?
I hope New Orleans is rebuilt. And, then again, I hope it's not. For the sake of those who will not move on, I hope the home they remember returns. But, by rebuilding, will we not be inviting the inevitable?

sorry for going into such a long spiel. Like I said, I'm torn on the issue, but I'm leaning a bit more towards just letting whoever have their way. Like I said, I'd hate to have to make such a decision.

do-re-mi...

all right. yesterday,we were supposed to find out who got which solos. well, there were a couple of ties, one of which was for "Think of Me," the solo I tried out for. well, it was a tie between Hannah and I, so the chorus had to vote again (during which one girl behind me asked, "who's stephanie" and then grew horribly embarrassed that i was right in front of her). i surprised myself by being totally and completely calm during the entire process (mainly because i didn't have to sing a second audition). and cov said we'd find out the results on Tuesday. Well, today is tuesday.
So, i walk into the chorus room this morning, put down my thin, and then turn to sign in. I glance at the board and guess what i see? the results for the solos! and do you know who got the "Think of Me" solo? yep. that's right. Hannah. Okay, not really. I got the solo. which makes me both happy and terrified. I'm one of those people that secretly feel guilty when they mess up and I'm not certain I'd be able to handle it if i messed up the solo during the concert. It would be embarrassing, certainly, but I'd make the chorus look bad. that thought just makes me quake in my shoes. but! i can do this...hopefully. I mean, it's the shortest solo in the whole concert (which is why it seemed so appealing to me at the time of the try-outs).
Well, despite my mixed emotions, I'm having a fairly good day...well, so far at least. Let's hope it stays that way, hmm? all right. Sadly, I must go. dakara koso sayonara nanda

don't worry; the sky should stop falling by tuesday...

college. that big, looming goal which everyone is looking towards but not necessarily looking forward to. you know, i had this dream last night...it had to do with college. i was walking down the hall in the elementary school in Pennsylvania I used to go to (ringing rocks elementary) with my books in hand, just randomly, as if it was normal for me to go to highschool in an elementary school far, far away. well, i was walking down the hall and everyone around me (apparently, i had moved the whole of our high school into this teeny elementary school)was freaking out. Some were pulling their hair, others were banging their heads up against the wall, muttering about how they didn't like that flower right next to chapel on their prospective college campus...stuff like that. and here i was, just humming a happy tune, looking for my next class. i think that's indicative of something...do i not worry enough?
i'm pretty laid back, i think. i mean, everyone's all worried about their majors and their colleges and everything, and i'm just off in lala land, thinking that i shouldn't let that one character sneak into my story even though they're a great character (sorry, but you just sort of put the story on hold and throw everything into chaos, palladia!) yes, i worry, but not as much as everyone else, i think. and maybe that's bad. worrying can be quite healthy sometimes. i mean, it makes people get right on things instead of horribly procrastinating.
while college, for some, is beginning to take on the shape of this giant, monstrous fortress, where everything is dark, gloomy, and overwhelming, i'm walking along, ignoring it all. the onyl thing on my mind is tuition, and even that's a vague sort of worry, really. still, i can work myself into a state if i really want to. i have a horribly defeatist attitude. *sigh* i'm one of those people who don't care to notice things until they're right on top of me...or i've been in the same place for a few months. one day i look around and say, "hey! this is odd. oh, look...the tiles are different than in the other hallway..." and go right back to floating around...change doesn't necessarily bother me.
and yet, in the middle of the night, poor, horrid defeatist stephanie crawls out and takes my place, muttering gloom and doom tales about the failure in life ahead. she goes and mutters to anyone who'll listen. thank god my mom has an equally defeatist attitude (towards me) and gets me angry enough to snap out of the glum attitude. she does it on purpose.
oh! yesterday i watched My Neighbor Totoro. i forgot how much i love that movie. i haven't really seen it since i was seven...that was the last time i was ever able to watch it because my brothers ruined my second copy of the movie...but, anyway...miyazaki is so cool. i love his films. they're hard to make sense of sometimes, but really great. Oh, I also watched Princess Mononoke, which i had never seen before, further establishing my love for all things hayao miyazaki. he made one of my favorite movies ever--Howl's Moving Castle--which just so happened to be a wonderful book beforehand. He introduced me to such wonderful characters as Totoro, Calcifer, Beep-boop, Haku, No-Face, Ashitaka, Howl, and, of course, Turnip Head.
well, i must go now...i'm off to investigate more manga...perhaps Ouran High School Host Club has been updated, though, with the way thigns are going, Naruto will end before I get to read another chapter of the Host Club...sad, really. What will I do? i've finished death note and fruits basket...*sniff* the manga must go on!
well, i'd say that's enough randomness for today. i shall be off. so long!

to continue...

i got a new computer!!!!! yay!!!!!! it's brand new and it was uber expensive (not really. it was like $400 or something like that...my mom finally got the money from the electric company!!!!). we also got a new stereo, which has speakers that light up blue!!!! so cool. anyway...since my people are out bowling, i'm stuck trying to install all of the programs and stuff and right now, my computer is not wanting to install my printer...what is up with that? really, seriously. the printer's only like a couple months old. well, no more complaints. i really like this computer, even though it has windows vista, which is sorta weird. but! it's all good. well, welcome back online stephanie...and writer stephanie (i have been absolutely dying because i haven't been able to post any new chapters on my fanfics!). so, wish me luck with my printer!

Singing Update (no actual singing involved)

okay...we had our solo tryouts this morning...mine went...okay...well, i got up there (because we have to sing in front of the whole class) and Erika Bunpumkoon (?) went before me. and she was nervous, which made me nervous. i was shaking really, really bad. then it was my turn. so i started singing....i did fairly well...until i forgot how to breathe. right in the middle of the solo, i was suddenly like, "oh my god. i just forgot how to breathe!" so i faded out on a part but managed to finish. that was good. so, needless to say, i probably didn't get the solo, but that's all right. it wasn't a life-altering, live-or-die sort of thing. i'll get over it. luckily for everyone else, only one other person freaked out. poor ashley loyd. she got so nervous and panicky. i think she was having a panic attack, but she went up to sing, and that was good. she managed to get out a few notes before turning red and stopping. i hope she's all right. really, she puts too much pressure on herself, i think.
so my morning was so-so. luckily, though, i got to eat a brownie right after my solo, so i'm good. all hail the wonderful ability of chocolate to make me giddy enough to forget mortifying mistakes like forgetting how to breathe! chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!!!!!!!!! all right, enough of that. let's move on to my trip to the book nook. i got my three books. and angela got a giant stack of music. yep. jeff (white-haired guy at the book nook) gave Angela the music dorothy (jeff's wife who is a professor at North Georgia Tech) promised she'd give her. so, all in all, it was a good little shopping trip there. worth the wait.
all right. lunch is soon so i have to go...

The cloud moves and starlight shines through the curtains

okay...after a whole entire night of babying my throat, i am able to sing today...though if someone looked at my throat, they would probably want to rush me to the doctor's. it's okay, though...i'm rather used to it...you know, i don't think my throat has stopped hurting (besides a week or two of shining moments in which my lungs overshadow my throat) in the last four years...well, that's rather dramamtic. no, actually, it's not constant, just off and on. i get a lot of sinus infections and i get a lot of colds because my immune system isn't up to par. or i don't eat correctly (according to my parents who think that lots of meat fat and weird food combinations are the way to go...in actuality, i eat better than they do...more fruits and vegetables and less meat, meat, meat!) anyway...first it was my toncils, which my rather inept doctor (i stopped going to that one a while ago) insisted there was nothing wrong. and then my sinuses and toncils. and then i got my toncils taken out and now it's just my sinuses. hopefully that'll go away soon. but, really, it's all just allergy stuff. and i'm not surprised. i mean, i have no less than four dogs, a cat, a mouse, and several bunnies roaming around my yard and house and whatnot. and smoke. smoke is there as well...and my brothers are obsessed with those horrid body sprays which have warning labels about people with asthma. so...in a year or two, i'll leave and have clean air!!!! yay!!!!!
so what did i do to help my poor throat? i drank three cups of tea, a cup of hot chocolate, milk (which i'm not really supposed to drink because it messes with my sinuses...causing too much drainage or something), and some soup. i also ate m&m's, and had a LOT of cough drops. and...voila! i can sing!!!!!! good thing, too, because tryouts for solos are tomorrow and i'm hoping to get that one, teeny tiny one smack dab in the middle of phantom.
there are other bright spots. today (possibly), i'll go to the book nook and buy 3 (count them...THREE) books (to make up for september) and read them all!!!!! how wonderful is that? i'm also in a strangely good mood today...and i was in a strangely good mood last night...i suspect it shall last until tomorrow...but not exactly die because Writer's club is tomorrow!!! eeeek!!!!! okay. that's out...but not really because i'm still thinking about last night's episode of heroes...wonderful show...ahhh! but i can't watch house or bones tonight...sad. well, farewell!!!!! i shall see you all in ten minutes (give or take).

luck is for beginners...

okay...i know i haven't written in a while and there's a reason for that. my mom got another computer to replace the one that burst into flames and guess what? that one just kicked the bucket. won't even go past the startup page. so i have no computer. again. and i have to wait another couple of weeks before i can get another computer. sucks, huh? not to mention this weirdie throat thing. this weekend, it seemed as if i was getting over it, but then i woke up this morning and now my throat hurts worse than before...only now i can actually talk...which makes it hurt more. wonderful, isn't it? and i can't go to the doctor because my insurance is all messed up and my mom has "no time" to get it straightened out. yeah, right. she quit her job a couple of months ago and does nothing but sit at home all day and she doesn't have time? either that or she just says, "sorry, honey, i completely forgot about it." and i don't even have any of my regular medicines, either, so naturally i'm going to be sicker than normal. ok. my medicines are, like, uber expensive. just one--one, mind you--costs a hundred and fifty bucks. a month. so, needless to say, i feel miserable all the time. but, really, that's okay. the only thing i'm really worried about right now is whether or not i'll be able to sing. people really don't think of me as a singer, but i sing all the time. and it's really, really horrible that i haven't been able to sing anything in the past couple of weeks. so right now, i'm focused on that. well, anyway, i've talked enough. goodbye!

Tucked amidst the pages of time itself...

i hate books. not really. i only hate them because i really cannot stop buying them. i was doing pretty good this month. and then liz and a new book series just kicked the shit out of that endeavor. still, there is nothing quite so alluring as losing oneself into the vague obscurity of the written word. just the act of opening a book is akin to unwrapping the most delectable of chocolates. you sit there, fingers tingling as they brush the cover, the faint scent of book and dried ink swathing you in a shroud of anticipation. though the book barely brushes against your skin, you imagine the feel of the story within, of the headiness which can consume your mind just as readily as any drug, should you let it. No greater temptation exists than to sink yourself into the pages, to allow yourself to pool like a pond of silver in the very heart of the book you hold. The feeling is indescribable and yet i sit here, trying to form words eloquent and yet primitive enough to encompass such a marvelous sensation. the closest experience i have had to this bittersweet high is drifting to sleep on the wings of the best drug, an angel singing of lost worlds. this, i suppose, is why drugs have never, ever appealed to me. why do such a thing when i can simply peruse the collection of a book store. it's not only healthier (still debated), but cheaper. books hold within their bindings a thousand words, a thousand moving pictures of which there can be no worries, except concern for the characters within the tale. books lure, like sirens, whispering of forgotten things, of things the deepest corner of the heart surely yearns for. i lose myself willingly, as surely as any alcoholic or drug addict, to such ethereal seduction. and so i both love and hate books, for who does not secretly hate their own vices?

...uggh...i do rather go on, do i not? i find this to be a rather perfect oddity. though i never meant it to be so, this does seem a bit ostentatious. however, i do like my book rant and so i shall post it. though if anyone reaches this little note here, i shall be most surprised.
oh no. my speech has gone weirdy. i must rectify this at once...now! off to find some teen-culture references which shall surely place me in the correct state of mind to be a perfectly umitigated grammatical horror...(*the samll creature shuffles off to find afore mentioned teen-culture references. "the mask of sanity must be preserved!"*)
now...speaking of masks...i wrote this little passage for my latest story, but the imagery didn't quite fit the feel of the story, but i still like it. anway, the backstory is mainly that the main character is attending a masquerade ball which has been thrown in honor of her seinsa, her teacher/master of sorts. and she's just arrived. tell me what you think..."Her gaze traveled the familiar room, now framed by the eyes of an unfamilair face. Patrons gathered together, whispering from behind illusory smiles and glassy cheeks, shadowed eyes speculative in the dim light."
neh. it's a bit too flowery, i think...

are breakdowns spreading?

i'm not really one for emotional highs. or lows. normally, i stay the same, super-weird, bubbly, slightly violent person i am. but i almost had a breakdown friday, though it wasn't really school related, more people related (in fact, i started my calculus homework right in the middle of said breakdown). and my breakdown wasn't even that breakdown-ish. i calmly walked out of the chorus room (this was after school during drama), sat down in the hall, and played with my chapstick. before i knew it, i was on the verge of tears and so i went in and got my calculus homework. and then angela came out and we left. my breakdown ended and a slight depression settled in (puntuated with cynical and sarcastic comments directed at no one in particular). the depression lasted until the next morning when angela and i went off and had lunch, drove around, etc. i was normal stephanie again.
really, i'm not one to understand people's emotional happenings. i'm very in tune with other's emotions when they're trying to hide them, however, thus allowing me to avoid them for a time. as a person, i believe i'm rather unsympathetic and self-centered, though oddly polite. it baffles me.
while people are becoming nervous and hysterical over college and grades, i'm sitting quietly in my chair, stressing out over my m&m's not being proper and muttering that i can't write a story until i've completed its language, history, and boundaries...and map. i can't forget my map. strangely enough, i'm mostly unruffled...and strangely down at the same time. low self-esteem some would call it, but not really. i am, by no means, modest. still, i just don't worry. things work out; i know from experience. even if something horrible happens, there's always that something which will make you shrug and move on. bad memories pop up from time to time, but you accept them and go forward. there's no real point in dwelling on the past; it's happened and it can't be changed (that still doesn't keep me from wincing, however, when extremely embarassing memories pop up. and believe me, they are frequent).
i should say i'm an odd mix of self-depricating sarcasm and apathetic optimism. a cynical romantic, if you would. something bothers me, it dwells in my mind for a while and tumbles out on paper, sometimes without my realizing it. i suppose, too, that i could be more than i am, but i am content being second. i have a nice, cozy niche that i rarely leave willingly (thought, i must admit, sometimes i find myself outside, wondering how i've gotten there). but, then again, my analysis of myself could be completely wrong. i could be annoying to most people, seem to exciteable, or just deadpan. like i've said before...people have their opinions of me and i have opinions of myself. if the two match, then i guess it's true, but for the most part, i take both with a grain of salt. it's just easier that way.
but this all came about from angela's post. people do put a lot of pressure on her, myself included. but that really shouldn't be so bothersome. the thing that's hard is the pressure one puts on one's self. still, i suppose my views don't work for everyone. i mean, i tend to have a lot of time and often ruminate over such things. a bit sad, really.
well, this is where i sign off. remember: life was never solved by just picking up the coconut; you have to open it, too

Ukrainians?

I sent an e-mail to a Ukrainian student today. yes...the writer's club is participating in a pen-pal program set up by a woman in the Peace Corps. i'm so excited; i hope they reply soon. i don't exactly know who i sent the e-mail to, but i suppose i'll find out when they answer. so, in the meantime, i'll just write odd little...
OMG!!!! i was in AP this afternoon, working on a little writing project for one of the stories i'm developing (mainly i was making the language, rules of the world, history, etc., etc.) and i realized: one of these days i'm going to be one of those crazy old women who no one sees except when she dies and when people come into my house, they're going to find everything all perfect and picturesque until they get to this one room where the walls are completely filled with papers and sticky notes, with string running all around and charts hanging from the ceiling...and will all be for one book that i never actually get around to writing because i have to write down everything about the story. yeah...i have this problem that, either before or in the middle of my story, i have to write a history for its world because i can't just leave it without a history. so, normally i create a timeline and events that have happened, which normally exapnd across a great gap of time. sometimes, too, i have to write lists of the monarchs. i have to write down their full names, all their children, their spouses, etc., etc. and i have to write when they were born, how and when they died, what they did during their reign. it hardly ever ends...well, it only ends when i lose interest and start in on another story.
so anyway...i was sitting there, doing all of that stuff when i looked up (because i was listening to the Lord of the Rings thing, too) and i realized. "hey! i'm nearly as odd as tolkien." whereas angela turned around (because she heard rustling papers and me muttering to myself) and told me that i was just crazy. when i told her my whole old lady theory, she smiled and just said that she'd write my story if i died before writing it. she'd just use all my material (well, not all because i'm pretty sure a lot of it isn't necessary at all to anyone but myself). i laughed and returned to my muttering (well, after going into a lengthy tirade about the story i was going to get around to writing eventually).
well, basically, after only two days of having this story in my head, i already have a notebook full of stuff and a budding language i have to get back to. bye!

p.s. please tell me i'm not crazy

hehe...giggle!

i am in a really good mood today, but i don't know why. i just randomly wanting to start squeaking (which, horribly enough, i tend to do when i'm excited). or giggle. yes, i could definitely giggle. i'm so oddly happy even tho my day hasn't necessarily been the best ever. and now i'm bored. i'm sitting here in the library, waiting for lunch and i have absolutely no idea of what to do. so, i'll write to you ppl. of what, i cannot say. perhaps i'll simply rant on about something or other...but i'm not entirely angry at anything. i am a bit embarrassed, however, that i type so loudly. and fast. really, it sort of sounds like a machine gun going off in the silence of the library and i am quite certain that people find it disconcerting.
ooh! i'm going grocery shopping tomorrow, isn't it great? it is. i actually like grocery shopping. mainly, i'm going because my mom never gets anything that i want to eat so i figure that, if i just do it myself, i won't have to bother my mom. and she doesn't really mind. after all, she doesn't have to buy it. and, when i'm not home to yell at anyone touching my food, she and my family get to have free reign over what's in the kitchen, even though i have told them again and again not to touch my food. grr. why do they do that? if i buy something, they have to immediately open it up and take what they want. i don't necessarily order them not to have my food, but i do ask them quietly to refrain themselves. but do they listen? of course not! and they always eat all of my cookies, too!
well. now that that's out, i think i can go and get lunch now...bye!

broadway is grand...

ok. in chorus, we're singing broadwat songs. we have Phantom songs and songs from Wicked, The Music Man, Grease, and Les Miserables. We have songs such as "There's No Business Liek Show Business," "On Broadway," "Anything Goes," "Edelweiss," "Thoroughly Modern Millie," and "Why We Sing." Needless to say, i have a lot of songs running through my head and it's no wonder that i'm randomly belting out show tunes. I love singing, i really do, despite the fact that my voice is just "pretty." but i'm not really supposed to be singing. my throat is very odd. i have to have a drink with me nearly all the time, but i can't drink water (flavored water [in small sips] and ice-water being the only exceptions), milk (i can, oddly enough, drink half-and-half), and most juices. not only that, but i have a lot of difficulty singing lower than a D. because i have so many problems with my throat, i was advised not to take chorus. but i love singing, so i did anyway.
you know, we're singing a medley of Phantom of the Opera songs and there are quite a number of solos available in it. i'm thinking of trying for this one, but i'm not too sure. in fact, i'll be debating the matter for quite some time. But anyway...my favorite song, i think (besides Phantom), is "Foor Good," from Wicked.
actually, chorus is a lot harder than most people think. it's almost like being in band, but you have to learn how to properly relax your throat, how to properly articulate words, how to breathe properly, and how to pronounce things (because, believe it or not, 50+ people with southern accents just don't sound good when sound travels a while. vowels tend to get over exaggerated). and then there's the fact that there is always one person who is completely tone deaf and they always seem to sit either right behind me or to the side of me. and they think they're the best singer in the choir.
you know, the real reason i'm in chorus is for the christmas songs. i love christmas carols. my favorites are "The Coventry Carol" and "A Christmas Song;" they're just so pretty. this is also the reason why i'm only in chorus for the first semester. i can barely tolerate most of the spring music.
you know, on most days, i have up to three songs playing in my head but it seems that, in chorus, they're always at least five. which gets very confusing, by the way. luckily, to preserve my sanity, one song normally plays over the others and i hum it to myself every now and then (the only bad thing is that i'm normally stuck with some odd little nursery rhyme like "Ring Around the Rosie" or "Ba Ba Black Sheep" in my head during tests). And then there are the stories and poems just sitting there, brewing in the back of my mind. Needless to say, my brain is hardly ever quiet (or seems to function correctly).
well, enough. i must move on...

err...jellybeans?

you know, i'm oddly obsessive about food. i love food. food is grand. during the summer, i eat almost constantly. and i am one of those lucky people who hardly gain any weight. but about my food obsession. normally, a random food simply pops into my head, regardless of whether i want to eat it or not, and then begins to run around my brain 24/7.over the summer, it was applesauce. after about two and a half months, applesauce faded away and i was left blessedly alone. and then, just the other day, jellybeans popped into my head (mainly because i remembered the whole little song, "A,B,C,D,E,F,G...jellybeans are chasing me. one is blue and one is red, oh my god one ate my head"). i don't really like jellybeans. they are not my favorite kind of candy. they remind me too much of skittles, and i don't like those either. give me m&m's or give me cake! still, i do wonder why i just happen to become obsessive about a certain food. *sigh* oh well...guess i'll never know...
you know, my life is very bland, i think. i wake up, go to school, and come home. if i don't have to work, i usually read a book or go online and read manga, or mindlessly watch the history channel. on my weekends, i'm normally at angela's house (because my mom just randomly kicks me out. "go away for the weekend, okay stephanie?" i normally agree because i'm bored out of my wits and would rather not have to have much contact with my family). if not, then my weekends are spent holed up in my room. guess what? i'm reading books. occasionally, though, i get to work at the book nook, but only if senator zell miller is doing a book signing. sadly, that's ended until around thanksgiving, so my source of free books is gone. *sigh* and i promised myself i would obstain from buying books this month...i don't think i can make it. really, i don't.
that's it. i have no life. but it's my personal decision, i must admit. i would much rather sequester myself inmy room, reading and imagining myself in my books than go out and about to face people...that's slightly pathetic, i think, but it suits me. hopefully, i'll gather enough courage to go to college, get a nice job, and then retire early to go live in the middle of nowehere with my cats beezlebub and hecate. i think i'll have a dog, too, and name her kita. that's a pretty name. she'll be a border collie. yes...and i'll have a nice, fenced-in backyard (the wooden fences people can't really see through) which will be my lovely, wonderful garden and my front yard will be overgrown in order to discourage those who might dare to venture forth...
wow...went off ranting again. i should stop that. hmm...i smell food. must go find source...

hmmm...

it is something to ponder, i think. titles, i mean. if i hadn't been fretting about my essay (or its title), i wouldn't have been thinking of titles at all. but that's neither here nor there. right now, i simply want to point out titles. can the titles of blog posts help to determine the personality of those who write them? i mean, kriegy's posts all have some odd yet profound title while dakota's all sound like the titles of unusual songs or poems. angela's are simply bred from her thoughts. and mine...well, mine are simply sounds. random sounds i sometimes randomly spit out when bored. such as blarg. halfway between blah and arghh, it's a perfect combination of both frustration and abject boredom. or ni!, an alusion to Monty Python, which will squeak out when angela is poking me. and then there's others such as tra-la-la or hmmm or even eeek. all in all, i wonder what that would say about my personality. perhaps it means that my whole life is boring yet full of randomness. that is possible. but is it probable? about as probable as my innerself replaying potter puppet pals or reciting whole lines from pirates of the caribbean (which means pretty likely).
oh! i was eating lunch today and staring down at the corn on my purple tray when i looked up and asked, "why don't we have yellow trays?" beth adams looked up and gave a small look of confusion and i thus decided to reiterate. "our school colors are purple and gold and we have purple trays. so why don't we have yellow, too?" then, without allowing anyone else to say anything, i promptly answered myself. "i guess it's because there aren't hat many purple foods we could put on our trays to complete the 'school colors' scheme. i mean, corn and pineapple are very easy to come by, are they not?" and that was the end of that.
well, anyway. this is the end of my pondering. you must tune in later, i suppose, to learn anything else...addio!

eeek!

it's been about three weeks since i found out my forty-something aunt is pregnant (the announcement came not even a month after her wedding...which had been an on-again, off-again affair for three years). and i still can't believe it. on the one hand, i'm very excited...and on the other i'm worried. my aunt has always wanted a little baby girl, and i'm glad she's pregnant, but she's like forty-two and has had tons of problems with cysts on her ovaries and stuff, too. well, anyway...aunt laura's about three months pregnant and she's already gone to the doctor to have tests done. the baby's a girl and seems perfectly healthy, if not a bit small, so that's a relief. still, my aunt's going to have a hard time of things. miss morgan-and-stanley will probably become a stay-at-home mom, helping my grandmother run things at the local republican headquarters, all the while trying to deal with menoupause. i don't think my aunt realizes that she will be sixty years old when her daughter graduates high school. can you imagine that? but i'm very happy for her. my aunt's had a lot of problems over the years and she's always wanted her little girl. now she has the dream house and husband, a nice step-son, and a daughter on the way. i just hope nothing goes wrong.
now...about the excitement...i am finally getting a first cousin!!! it's so great. well, actually i already have first cousins but i don't think they count because my aunt candy's not really my aunt. i mean, my grandfather adopted her after her parents died, but she's really his niece. or something like that. so what would that make her to me? besides, i've never met her. and i haven't heard from my dad's side of the family in years.
oooh! i can't wait until my new cousin is born! i want to buy all these cute little outfits for her and send her lots of little baby presents. in fact, i was thinking of going to college in pennsylvania so that i could visit her once in a while. i want to spoil her rotten. i guess, though, that i'm acting more like an aunt, which is sorta appropriate. after all, i'm so much older than her. it makes me think of my cousins scott and greg. my earliest memories of them was when they were in their early twenties. scott had just gotten married and my cousin megan had just been born. they seemed more like my uncles than my cousins.
well, after my little cousin is born, i shall have to visit my aunt and my grandparents (my mom's side, by the way) more often.
well, i meant to expound on my inner excitement but ended up talking about my family...it's all good. guess i'll go now...

blarg

okay. so the mystery of the hotpocket has been solved and i can now eat in peace. as for some of my other questions, such as why i like quantum mechanics and hate regular mechanics, they will have to be solved at some other time. basically, right now, i'm simply bored out of my mind and, though i really, really, really want to read more death note (a highly addictive manga which i haven't been able to stop reading), i've decided that catering to such addictions can't be good for my health. now, for the most part, i've been pretty good where my addictions are concerned. i mean, i've decided that i will not go to the book nook this whole entire month...well, not to buy a book anyway. and, despite the fact that there's a couple of books that i really want to order, i haven't gone and ordered them. now, i think that's a good thing, don't you?
gosh. cody and dustin are in the little TV studio here in the library, doing some sort of karaoke thing and it's rather loud. and really country. that's okay, though. at least it's a good country song. i mean, i'm not one for country, but there are a number of songs that i find to be good. besides, cody and dustin are rather good singers. they are, after all, in chorus with me. you know, i've always wondered why there aren't more guys in chorus. after all, it's a whole entire block full of sixty girls and all you really have to do for the class is learn the music. not so hard, right? but then i remember that boys are a bit touchy about participating in things they consider "girlie" that's why there are not many male cheerleaders around. you think they'd like tumbling around with girls better than tackling each other on the field, but guys are curious creatures, not that i'm discriminating against guys. girls have their quirks, too. but i'll not go into that right now. well, i shall leave you all, for the class bell is looming and i'd rather get to kriegy's class early.

tra-la-la

you know, when i first started a blog (gosh, it was on livejournal in...freshman year!), i thought it would be sort of difficult to sit there and spill out my guts to the world. but, oddly enough, it's just like talking to yourself and i do plenty of that. not out loud, of course. that would make me crazy. but i think everyone talks to themselves at least a little bit (well, now i hope so because i've just admitted i talk to myself). i mean, i guess that's what the whole thought process thingie is about (yes, i said thingie). but at least i'm not completely ADD about it. take butterflies, for instance. not the monarchs or other definable little things, but the little blue and yellow ones. you know, the ones that you always see in movies flitting around a field full of flowers in which children are giggling happily. anyway, these little butterflies flit from one flower to another. i never really see them land and stay somewhere for more than a couple minutes. though i think that might be a survival thing, considering there are birds all over the place and birds do happen to eat butterflies. oh! guess what? i got home from work last night and there was a slug on my walk, just moving along. my mom thought she stepped on it, so i had to go and get a flashlight to make sure it was okay. i mean, i would feel really, really guilty if i was party to a slug killing. and before everyone mentally goes "ewwww!", i want to say that, as long as you don't touch the slug, there's nothing disgusting about it. i mean, yes, it leaves a little slime trail but that's because the poor thing can't just go around drying out. and, believe it or not, it helps them move better, so there!
...wow. that went sort of off topic. what did i say about not being ADD? must've been lying or something...well, as long as i'm being random, i want to ask about hot pockets. what is their deal? i mean, i love them, but there's always that cold spot right in the middle so that, when you're eating, you have to rush through this little spot so you can continue eating the warm goodness of the rest of the hotpocket. but if you buy the cheaper ones, or even the lean pockets, they cook better. why is that? you'd think the more expensive ones would've solved this "cold-in-the-middle" dilema, but no. how odd.
hmm. i should probably stop now. i've got things to do, manga to read...

pictures

why does everyone insist on taking pictures of other people? okay, i know the answer to that one, but i still don't like having my picture taken. why? because it annoys me. and it annoys me that people take my picture without permission and then go around posting it everywhere. well, not really everywhere...just on some random page on myspace. which gets me to myspace. what's the big deal? a blog i understand. but must we all have our own special little myspace pages which we visit every day and spend hours on (i have a myspace, but i go on like once every couple of weeks)? really, is it all that necessary? i don't think so. i mean, i have better things to do. *sigh* i went off on a mini rant, didn't i? well, it's all good. at least this isn't one of my big, giant, "i-make-no-sense-whatsoever" rants. believe me, those can get tedious. especially for those who might actually want to read something other than the pissy words of someone else. people are, for the most part, quite self-centered. life itself promotes this self-centeredness, i believe. we, as humans, wish to succeed. the thought that, in our succession, we might hurt someone never crosses our minds, or at least not often. we compete for jobs and are completely jubilant if we get what we want. we don't tend to think of the losers. but ethics discussions are not to my taste, though occassionaly i might dabble in the subject area. instead, i'm quite content to contemplate random things. which, i think, is why i'm so random. take chapstick. who invented chapstick? where did it come from? and whoever decided to make minty-chapstick is a genius. they have my total support for the rest of eternity (i love minty-chapstick!).

you know, there's a lot of string and yarn all over my house. sometimes, i just randomly pick some string up and start braiding or weaving with it. that's my craft-thing. i don't crochet. i don't do plastic canvas or needlepoint. no. i braid and weave. it's a calming and soothing activity which requires little brain activity. which is probably why, when i was so sick, i made nearly a ga-billion little bracelets (not really. it was more like four. but i taught myself how to do them within five minutes and gradually, over the course of two days, moved onto very complicated weaves and braids).

but i shan't bore you any longer. i'm off to find more tea quotes.

Ni!

okeeday. despite my reluctance to create another blog (and my firm belief that i'll forget it's here), i've decided that another is in order.

well, first off, i must say that i've always wondered just what it was that makes me me. however, that's a rather general question, isn't it? if i had an all-knowing djinn or something of the sort, and i asked such a question, most likely i would get an answer such as, "you are made up of cells." or even, "you are the sum of the traits and genes given to you by your parents." which makes me wonder if, personality wise, i am nothing more than an odd mix of my parents and grandparents. i mean, is a child completely influenced by the ones who raise them? do we have much of a choice in the matter? which begs the hypothetical question of, if you placed a newborn baby into a plain, white room, ocassionally allowing a completely unattached person to come in for the occasional care and allowed the child to grow up in such a lonely, sterile envorinment, how would the child turn out? would it be devoid of outside influence or would it end up completely and totally insane (due, i'd like to believe, because of the horrendous white walls)? still, that train of thought makes me shiver. you know, the fact that i've thought of such an unusual and cruel scenario simply means that someone else must have thought of the same thing and, in a different reality, i might be the poor child locked in that white world.

but! onto happier thoughts. i'm finally seeming to move forward in calculus. yay! *teni's inner teni immediately does a happy dance* hopefully, this is the beginning of a wonderful new trend. of course, it could also mean i'm about to take a not-so-graceful swan dive into a pool which warns, "no diving."

gee, aren't i the happy camper today? incase those reading are convinced that i've worked myself into a dank and gloomy little corner, i must say that i haven't. thoughts like these enter my mind all the time, narrated in a chipper little, "i can use reverse-psychology on fate" voice. actually, for the most part, i'm amazingly optimistic, despite being quite cynical. that just means that, while i leave room for the possibility that something wondermus will come along, i'm quite convinced that nothing will ever go right, even though a tiny, darkened recess of my mind is sitting on a blue stool, arms stubbornly crossed, firmly saying that everything will turn out just fine (what my confusing banter is meant to say is that i'm an oddly optimistically sarcastic cynical optimist, if there is such a thing).

well, enough about me and more about what's going on around me. such as that i'm sitting in my sun room and the sky is all dark and stormy and everything is amazingly green (well, what i can see through the bright green ivy that loves climbing all over my house). everything is so verdant and vibrant. there are deep, dark greens and damp browns, all capped with grey. and here and there are little peeks of purple, from where the morning glory has bloomed and thrived, despite the heat and humidity. and i'm listening to songs in japanese because i'm addicted to anime and feel the need to constantly listen to the theme songs from various shows (naruto, naruto: shippuden, fruits basket, ouran high school host club, and others).

okay, i've said enough. now to go and study more gaelic or latin or whatever. maybe i'll just write more on my Avatar: the Last Airbender fanfic. it seems to be quite popular amongst the fanfic addicts.

bye now!

p.s. i think i'll end with one of my favorite quotes, just for those who happen to read my blog...

"it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Le Petit Prince