Beyond the Misty Mountains

So I've arrived in Pennsylvania. I spent 15 and a half hours on a train from Gainesville to 30th Street Station in Philly. And now I am here in Lansdale, a little suburbian burough of Montgomery County (same huge county in which Philadelphia is located). Tomorrow I get to meet my baby cousin. Should be exciting. But for right now, I think I'll crash somewhere. I mean, in the past 48 hours, I've got a grand total of five hours of sleep. Add on top of that the fatigue of traveling for 15+ hours. On a train. But, really, the train ride was nice. I liked it. But let me tell you; I've seen enough grime and litter of big cities to never, ever want to live in one.
But, I should go now and get some sleep...right after I finish painting my nails.

purple and green under blue

so my classes have been over for nearly a month now, and i've not died of boredom. yet. i've been reading, writing, watching movies, playing spore...you know, the normal homebody stuff. well, angela's birthday is this weekend...i'm going to have to get her something...i'm not entirely sure what, though...this is also my last weekend at dominos...yep. i've already handed my two weeks' notice in and i'm ready to leave.
there's more excitement to come, too. the scottish festival is next weekend. so fun. i absolutely love the scottish festival. and after that, i get to have fun with everyone at the party will's throwing. we're going to the falls and then over to his grandmother's house to have a giant field party...and at the end of that week, i'll be leaving for pennsylvania. hopefully. it's pretty much up to my grandmother, as she won't let me buy my own train ticket. she's not bought the ticket yet, so i might have to leave the week after. which is fine, i suppose. i'd just like to get up there and get things settled...all though, a little more time with my family and friends isn't bad, either.
i wish i'd have been able to stop by the high school, but lacking a car sucks. i got to see my brother's graduation, though. yay peter! he's going into the army (kinda worried), and he seems pretty psyched. but this means my mom won't have any more kids in the house. she's all ready getting kind of depressed.
well, i need to be off. bye!

Ah, but for a bit of toast, I'd be jam...or whatnot

I'm going to Pennsylvania this summer. To visit my grandparents...and get ready for life at a new college. Yep. Next semester I will be attending Arcadia University in Pennsylvania. It's a fairly small private college (okay, so 3500 isn't as small as YHC's 650, but still), and is like ten miles away from Philadelphia. The best thing about the college, I suppose is that they have good history classes. And my grandparents are half and hour away. I'm kind of excited...and a bit apprehensive, but I think I'll have a good time up at Arcadia. I'm really looking forward to it. Then again, I haven't been to Pennsylvania in something like eight years. Hmm. Well, I get to meet my baby cousin. And see my other cousins. There are a few I haven't met and the rest I've not seen since they were younger than six. It'll be nice to see them again.

I'll really miss everyone here. Especially Angela and Liz. I'm horrible at remembering to write emails and whatever, but I have messenger and facebook and whatnot to keep up with people and goingson...so it won't be to traumatic going up to an urban town and being surrounded by all those strange people...At least the campus isn't too much bigger than YHC. seeing as I've not managed to procure a means of permanent transportation (I'll be traveling northwards by train...planes are too expensive, sadly).

Oooh...my younger brother is graduating this year. Scary, huh? Peter has settled down a little bit. But, compared to the fact that he's a motormouth who bounces off the walls, his "settling down" is more like we gave a sedative to the person sitting next to him...But, really, he's less tempramental than he used to be. Really, I don't like to think this, but maybe it was my older brother's influence which kept Peter so hyperactive. I've noticed that, without Chris, Peter's really rather quiet and contained. Just as long as Peter doesn't have anyone he can run around with, he's fine and goes off and talks quietly to himself. No yelling. No running. No random bursts of energy. But, yes. He's graduating this year and I have no idea what he's going to do. Peter wants to go into the army like Chris, but for the moment they're not accepting him because he stutters (does it matter if he stutters for a little bit? sure, it probably does in a life-or-death situation, but who in their right mind would send Peter off to some dangerous place? He'd blow up the enemy and himself without even touching the explosives...). He really wants to work with stock. And not wallstreet stock. No, he wants to make and keep lists. Because there is nothing Peter does better than lists. It disturbs me. He even keeps lists of characters on shows that existed fifteen years ago...

well, I'll be off to Pennsylvania soon, but for now I have to worry about my school work. finals are in like four weeks.

Vikings and Dinosuars

So. I woke up at 4:30 this morning from a really bizarre dream about Vikings fighting off dinosuars in Jurassic Park. This dream made me think about Iceland, with it's Nordic background and volcanoes...which made me think of the geography paper i turned in last friday...and then came the horrid, wretched realization that my in-text citations were nothing more than just mere numbers that i had used because I had not done my works cited page. The thing is, I meant to fix the in-text citations...right after I did my works cited. Well, I fixed up my works cited and sent off my paper...only to realize at four this morning that I had not, in fact, fixed my in-text citations and that instead of looking like this: (McKnight 439), they looked like this: (3). I must have really confused my professor. Because they weren't even ordered by how the references appeared in the works cited. So. after dwelling on my mistake for the entirety of the day, I decided to fix the citations and resend my paper. I explained to my professor that I didn't care if he still took off points, I just needed to resend the paper to him so I wouldn't flip out.

See what happens when you have two papers due, homework, and three exams all in one week? you wake up the next week from biazarro dreams lamenting your idiotically weird writing habits...ah. At least Dr. Nichols is nice and has a sense of humor...if nothing else, he'll get a laugh from my oddities.

oh, yeah. and here's something else. I somehow messed up my wrist last night while I was typing furiously away on my laptop, editing one of my stories. I was typing and heard my wrist make an odd clicking noise. I didn't really pay it any attention until my wrist started feeling like it was burning...and then it kept clicking every time i moved it. after that, i decided i'd had enough computer use for one night. It still feels really weird and aches a bit, but i'm sure i don't have anything to worry about. i mean, i already have cysts on my hands...they're not harmful or anything, they just form on the tendons of the hand (called ganglion cysts). apparently, it's more common in women and especially so in my family...

For solitude is different than loneliness

i never really understood the appeal of a city. sure, there are lots of things to do and to see. so much so that people always say "it would take a lifetime to find all of _____'s treasures!" yes, the architecture is unique and innovative, the streets are filled with hustle and bustle, and there are wonderful shops and restaraunts at every corner...blah. one could say a thousand nice things about a city and yet counter them with a thousand bad things. but for me, the choice is simple: cities are nice to visit, but i'd rather live in a town with a population of 2,000 than live within a hundred miles of a major metropolis. i like the quiet, the solitude, the comfort of familiarity and the innate beauty that small towns hold. yes, they can look sad and abandoned, people could be poor and disheartened. but the same can be said of people in cities. and there are a lot more of those things packed into a smaller space. i find i like seeing the stars. i like finding the sky pierced by only a few 3 or 4 story buildings. i dislike crowds of people and prefer solitude. don't get me wrong. i don't want to be alone. i just want to live in that bolstered silence where your thoughts and a few good books can keep you in happy company.

but solitude, i think, is for those already content with their own thoughts and conscience. you can't feel sad and live in solitude. that sort eats away at you, i think. i've seen too many people who search out their "own lives" and fail in the finding. i wonder if i might not become someone like that. true, i am content with little contact for long weeks at a time, but i like a bit of company after a little while. maybe i should get a cat. and a nice collie or something for that deeper, happier companionship. and a garden. i like gardens... ack. now i sound like some old retiree, just sitting back in her rocker and wondering vaguely if she should bake brownies for the local kids...

true, i like all the energy and giddy atmosphere of being young, but i'd like to live out my life as if i were an old woman. isn't there some sort of switch that i can flip to jump between the two? i guess not. well, lazy summers are soon abound, for i'm going up to Pennsylvania to be with my grandparents this summer. they may have traded their wonderful, personally designed (by my grandmother) house for a nice, efficient condo, by it will be nice to be up there. relaxing. hey, we might even go to the shore. that would be nice, i think. i'm looking forward to it.

oh for the love of a good book...

how many pairs of headphones have i gone through in the past year? i'll tell you. five. five pairs. my latest pair (bought only this past christmas break) broke. completely. my earphones are now unattached from the thing you plug into such and such a device...it's sad. now how am i supposed to sleep? i'll need to get into town and buy another pair, sadly...but that doesn't help me tonight. not when it takes me four hours vs. two hours to fall asleep without music. and that's not even counting the fact that i can't even think about trying to sleep until two in the morning. so, by the time i get to sleep, it'll be about time to wake up again. sad, that. but if i go into town to get another pair of headphones, this means i can stop by the book nook and see if they have that book that i've been wanting and have been too lazy to order off amazon...so...yay for productivity!

on another note: i want a kindle. well, a kindle 2. oh, don't worry; i'm not going to abandon good old-fashioned books. no. i'll just get a kindle copy and a regular copy! see? and now i won't have to keep handling my books until they fall apart. isn't that great? or maybe i'm taking my love of books a little too far... ah well. it's not like i can afford to just get a kindle anyway. so my dreams of multiple copies (BEFORE the first copy falls apart) is relegated to the distant future...

okay. it's late and i should at least pretend i don't have some sort of mild insomnia.

"besmudgeon"

so i went to jury duty on monday. luckily, i didn't get picked...was it because i could barely state my own name (not my fault; my voice kept going in and out due to some idiotic cold makings its rounds about the college)? well, anyway, i would have been a horrible juror. frankly, i thought the case was ridiculous and both parties should be sent home. but, whatever. i got to spend the next couple of days in complete misery...lucky me.

beyond that, nothing much has happened. this semester is a bit tiring, but maybe that's because i started it on a sickly note. and i've got a nice little secret occupying my mind lately. but i'll keep it to myself a bit longer; who knows if my burgeoning plan will pan out?

well, in any case, my nose is going numb...a sure sign that i've not gotten the proper amount of oxygen...so i'll stop here.

of the 19th year

sooo...today is my birthday. my 19th, to be exact. and i must say, it seems rather much like all the others, down to forgetting that it was my birthday (it happens most every year). so happy birthday to me. it's been uneventful, but nice. i also beat my high score on solitaire early this morning (please don't judge me; i'm extremely bored).
oh! but i bought myself Mamma Mia. that's right. Abba's musical sensation. really, i have no idea why it appeals to me so much (probably has something to do with the fact that my mom and i used to dance to disco when i was younger...it's all my mom really listens to). i just absolutely love that movie. my mom, oddly enough, did not enjoy it too much. she says there were too many songs. well, whatever. i'll go and watch it all by my lonesome...
i also got a jury summons today. yep. happy birthday to me from union county judicial system. aren't they great? not only do i have to come back home to go to the jury duty, but it means i'm going to have to miss some of my classes. uggh. it's on a monday, too. so that's history, english, and math. uggh. oh well. i can't do anything about it unless fate decides to let loose some strange, serendipitous moment (unlikely).
well, i'm off to eat more cake and reread hana kimi (yet again, i must mention my extreme boredom. i'll be all too happy when i get back to YHC).

return to Nimh

okay. so i finished my finals nicely and am now back at home, wallowing in boredom. i dare say i'll soon appreciate lengthy periods of no activity, but for now it's a bit dreary. admittedly, i'm filling my time with writting and looking over notes, planning out my future life, and running back and forth to the doctor. the respitory infection that plagued me has now calmed down to an annoying case of inflammation, so i'm mostly all right. i'm kind of looking forward to next semester; i have english, math, history, and science all lined up. along with yoga and choir! i think i'll enjoy next semster. yep. i should be busy, but that's cool. as long as i don't crack under the pressure or anything. but, with english coming up (we're reading the handmaid's tale...), more history, and an area of science i actually enjoy, i think things will be quite fine. lucky me, i bombed my math placement test and only have to take algebra!! i love algebra. and the science, well, i'm taking the second semester of physical geography and this time we're getting into volcanoes and tectonic plates and rocks...all interesting to me. plus the teacher's pretty awesome. nichols the younger. he sometimes goes off on wild global climate rants, but that's all right. we forgive him.

well, i don't see much else to say, except for the fact that it's good to be back on this blog rather than the other one. i just don't like having to blog for an actual grade. too much to worry about.

LET'S DO THE TIMEWARP AGAIN!

last night, i watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show and Pink Floyd's The Wall. i've seen both before, but it's nice to go back. ah! also, i want to launch a formal complaint against the AP classes. that's right. i blame them for my now insane tendency to over-analyse texts. i can't help it. i just can't. i'm flipping through my text books and fighting the urge to take up a pen and rewrite the things. i can hardly read a book without crying. it's a sad state of things.
oh, on other matters...my mom called me today...and told me my doctor can't do anything more for my rib (which came back out of place...along with a second rib on the opposite side) and that i now must go to an orthopedic surgeon in order to fix it. sad, isn't it? well, i'll probably have to wait for christmas, so that i won't have to miss any school.
all right, well it's late and conan o'brien is on...

new blog

like angela, i, too, have decided to create a new blog for extra credit. you can find it here:

http://effiecomp.blogspot.com/

please visit (if you've a mind to)...

apples and daisies

okay, so my world has not imploded...yet. right now, i'm just handling everything...i just read six chapters of my speech textbook in an hour...see? handling it. actually, it wasn't that hard...basically, if you read the main ideas, you can get the point of the text. then, if there are any special lists or diagrams or whatever, i can just sticky-note it as something important to review later. yep. uggh...one thing i DO have to stop procrastinating on is my bonaparte paper. well, i've actually got an outline all ready. unfortunately, it tells me i'm going to have about seven body paragraphs and possibly more than one introduction paragraph. i know; i'm crazy.

so, how is everyone else? adjusting well to the new year, i hope. i feel amazing. and i'm only concerned about one class: my computer class. and that's because i keep studying wrong and missing a lot of stuff on the quizzes (i realized i've been studying as if i were taking a multiple choice test...and they're not multiple choice). but, i'm getting better. and my presentations in there are going well...now, i just have to bring some of that stuff up and do some extra credit. that's right. i'm actually going to care and put real effort into my grades. astonishing, isn't it?

well, i should go on and finish my geography worksheet and get onto figuring out my thesis for my north atlantic current paper. i also have to think up a thesis for my bonaparte paper...and then i have to research a bit more for my debussy paper in music appreciation. guess what? i found some stuff in the text book for that! i should probably check my civilization book for bonaparte (because i don't already have a bunch of giant, boring books just on napoleon...).

Woe be to Bonaparte

So, i talked to Dr. Lawrence (the new director of the honors program, and also the literary magazine person) and found out that i could do a project from the class of my choice to fill in for the other honors requirement. So of course I picked my survey of civ class...and i'm doing a paper on Napoleon Bonaparte. Yep. I'm thinking of focusing it on his military endeavors, especially his brash march into Russia. i'm really quite excited about it. oddly enough, i rather like writing essays and such. it's a fun (well, besides the MLA thing. ick). Yep. I also have term papers in my geography class and my music appreciation class. in geography, i'm probably going to do something relating to the ice age (probably possible causes of a new ice age and what would be the consequences of that). and i'm not sure what my topic is in music appreciation yet (because it's going to be about a composer, and mr. bauman has yet to tell us any hint about it...but i'm waiting).

so, i'm going to go and find some ebooks on bonaparte (because i don't want to leave my dorm room to go to the library) and start on my research. i think i might just also begin my geo. research as well (more so that i can get a general idea of my topic than anything else).

ja ne!

In absolute insanity

okay, so i've started classes. yay! finally. and i nearly gave the parsimonious scot in me a stroke by getting all of my books ($652 in total) in one day. yikes. luckily, tho, it was paid for by my scholarships and stuff (note to self: remember to light candles every year for wonderful scholarship people). Well, I've already been given a written assignment. For honors music appreciation. We had to type up this half-page comparison paper...and i went a little overboard. oh, it didn't go over a page, but i still went all out for it. three paragraphs and no be-verbs to speak of. sigh. really, i should learn to control myself. i think it's okay, though, because the honors music appreciation class works in conjunction with the honors english 101 (which i'm not in...so i have to go and speak to someone about additional projects or something). Angela and I are also on the hunt for Ms. Louisa Franklin, the woman in charge of the literary magazine here...but, she hasn't been in her posted locations, so it's hard to pin her down (incidentally, she is the one i have to talk to about those honors projects).
my schedule is rather nice. i have three classes on monday (plus a two+ hour lab to go with my science class), two class on tuesday, three on wednesday, one on thursday, and three on friday...yep. i have five classes. 16 hours. my mom was complaining that the load would be too much, but i think i can handle it...until that mental breakdown. then things could get hairy.
our dorm is nice, if lacking in any sort of color...uggh, so many white walls. luckily for us, tho, we had a giant poster of ireland we pinned up on the wall...and we got to hide the other walls with furniture...now, all we have to do is cover up the puke-beige of our built-in closets/drawers...

And she is lost in the garden of woe...

so, today i've been really...well, bored. haha. i'm almost always bored, right? well, i decided to do something about it today...so i watched a U2 concert, Hitchhiker's Guide, and Rent. I also, oddly enough, went around my house singing U2 songs and stuff from the Clash. my mom gave me her i-have-no-idea-WHERE-you-came-from look and then went about her business...funny stuff. but, right now, i'm reading manga and entertaining myself by bopping about to music only i can hear. you really should try it sometime; it's quite fun.
well, there's really nothing else to report, so i guess i'll go now...and try and come up with entry titles which don't seem so gloom-and-doom...

wow. such civility from such a boorish idiot...

uggh. i am so tired. okay. so i got shot up with steriods on tuesday so that the muscles around my ribcage would relax enough to let my rib settle back in place. yeah. the doctor had to give me the injection right over my unconforming rib (it hurt). at that point, once i got over the initial pain of having a giant needle shoved nearly to my bone, i thought everything would be honkey dory. but no. what they don't tell you is that having a bone "settle back in place" hurts. bad. but, fortunately, i've a had a little bit of emotional trauma this week, so everything's all balanced out. which is good. i wouldn't want to feel emotionally exultant with my ribs aching so much. it just wouldn't be right.
but, no. seriously. i'm fine, just really tired. i get to take aspirin if i hurt too much so i'm only ever in discomfort rather than real pain. and it really does feel as if my rib has decided to conform. so this will all be over soon. i hope. what really baffles me still, though, is how exactly it got that way in the first place. it's a real mystery.
okay, on the non-health issues...my younger brother went back to school yesterday. such a weird feeling not to have started the first day of school with him. but, you know, i got over it. i've been home sick so many times that it doesn't bother me when he's at school and i'm not. oh, but he's a senior. and hopefully he won't fail any classes this year. if he does, he won't have enough credits to graduate, poor thing. and then we'd have to explain to my grandmother why he isn't graduating. well, my mother will. and she would not be happy about that, let me assure you.
so, i move in to the dorms a week from now. i really can't wait, mainly because it's this "i'm so close it's getting annoying" waiting is just hard. still, not too eager to begin the rest of my life. a bit intimidating, i can assure you. but, things will work out. now whether it comes out bad or good has yet to be seen.

desperation lasts for only a measure

Why does the heart beat slow to those rhythms we never notice? And why does it quicken, draw our attention when we wish for time to stop? footsteps beat patiently across floors, though our paces grow restless, uneasy. where do those footsteps lead? and why can we not see their purpose? we can never know, i think, where we are meant to walk, but that abscence of knowledge still wounds, still saddens. and the heart, despite its yearnings, grows weary with every frantic, searching thought. things flicker to life from shadowy, unknown corners and we cry to soften their slow burn. we would seek to stop the endless, blazing fear that loneliness will take us. Why does the heart beat so strongly when it seems so weak? And how can we urge the nocturne which sounds in the deepest part of ourselves into a trilling, triumphant symphony? Ah, but such fanfare only makes the contrast of a longing heart sharper. What but a graceful sonata can warm us? Still, time cares little for the notes our hearts play. It listens only in fervent devotion to the endless beat of our footfalls, pacing itself to always outdistance us. For time sees all things and pulls us inexorably towards the fates we unwittingly choose. So where do we stand, heartbroken and weary? Where else but against the wind, the triumph of our lives tugging at our lips?

The thing that Haunts us

so i read breaking dawn...it was pretty good. not to mention there were a few surprising moments for me, which is quite rare in books for me these days. i won't reveal anything here, of course, but i was bouncing off the walls just reading it. i'm probably going to re-read it tonight. it was THAT good. i've only ever re-read one other book the same day i first read it (maybe two, i can't remember).
so other than that, i had a nice day. well, mostly. at least until a couple of minutes ago. "sigh." parentals, especially non-parental-parentals, can be sooooo pissy. and moody. but, whatever. not my problem. i'll just be glad to get away for a while...it will calm my constitution. hah. kind of archaic, using the word "constitution" to mean my temperament and state of mind. well, no big deal, i think. i can be archaic if i so choose.
okay. well, there was something else i wanted to mention, but i seem to have forgotten. funny, when thinking of constitutions. but, i've got books on the brain. what was it i was thinking in the car on the way home? something like books being actual things to love? i think that was it; i can't remember too much because it was this morning. but, think about it. it's so easy to have a love-affair with a book, to close off the rest of the world and just dive in, emersing yourself in the energy of the story. words dance on off-white paper, beckoning the eyes. your fingers touch the pages and--especially with a good book--your desire to turn to the next part, the next chapter, is almost a compulsion. ah, but if a book seduces, then a bibliophile surely falls willingly. you get drawn in and the very earth could drop away. little else matters beyond going forward, exploring more. ah, so funny that words carry such double meanings. one simple word, one tiny phrase, can raise the awareness, can evoke a most unlimited response from an already captive heart.
ah, but i say all those things after just having spent a good eight hours with a wonderful book. so i must say i'm a bit biased. so, i'm going to go now, and find some other type of inanimate object to rhapsodize about...

The annoyance is clear

so, my week has gone pretty well, i think. of course, i can't remember much (it went by so slowly, so quickly). now i am just waiting for a certain e-mail...and reading a new book that i got (yay!!!!!). i'm getting a new book tomorrow, too. exciting, huh? ahh...so much drama unfolds around me, you'd think i'd be affected. but, it doesn't really work that way. my life is hardly touched by things around me, mainly because i'm either not paying attention or my mind is centered on other things (mainly my own problems...does that make me vain and self-centered? if i am, then i'm too selfish to worry about it. so there). sometimes, i mainly wonder if i've buried myself so deep that people don't see me. which may or may not be a good thing.
ah, but these little things are not important. especially when humans are self-centered creatures at heart. everything everyone does (i must admit, there can be exceptions) is done in order to satisfy some feeling or want...so people hardly care about the deeper feelings of others; those deeper, shadowy emotions frighten them. or confuse them. it's much easier to look at everything from the surface. thus the basis of morality and society today. if that makes any sense.
well, look at me, babbling on when no one cares...well, i should go...bye!

when the loop breaks free

i'm busy watching heroes. well, obviously not so busy that i can't post. have you ever wondered about the nature of the world? i don't mean the molecules or atoms which make it up, or anything like that. no, i'm talking about the sense of it all. the feeling behind it. every little thing evokes an emotion. now, it is a possibility that our brains are trained to react to certain stimuli in such a way that a certain feeling is prompted when looking at a specific object or sight. however, what, in the nature of such an object/sight prompts the evocation of the stimuli? what basic aspect or principle of a flower brings a smile to tug at the lips? and how was such a reflex born? i want that, the history of it, the rudimentary building of ideas and circumstances which built a foundation for it. i want to glimpse that first domino among millions, that single push which is still causing those tiny ivory pieces to topple.
history. much like those first halting responses of a prehistoric mind, creates a base upon which we stand. but is it really a building so much as a tapestry, where each single thread builds into the next to create a complex system whose single purpose is to build a single design? i want to see those woven cords, the interlocking features which create the pattern. but, is it odd not to want to view the whole of it? everyone wants that picture, that image which, when viewed in one piece, will reveal the reason, the secret. but i don't. is it odd to want to stay among the threads, to immerse myself in them until the picture doesn't matter. because, as much as we crave that whole meaning, the real meaning lies beneath. the real mystery lies with the weaver.

ah. i went off on some non-linear thinking pattern. sorry. heroes can do that. well, if you got through the mess i just wrote, i should congratulate you. after all, it must be very boring...ciao.