broken sunshine

so...bored...
my parents left on some road trip, the first real trip they've taken without us...ever. it's fine with me; i hardly notice it. but i'm not allowed to go anywhere while they're gone. which sucks. i mean, i can only find so much amusement online.
ugh. all right. today is what, the thirtieth? last day of june? monday, right? yeah...all weekend with just my brothers has driven me up the wall...but, really, they're more afraid of me when my parents aren't home than when they are. so at least they're being more behaved than usual. still, the first of july is tomorrow...and, while i'm glad that the summer is nearly half over (seriously. you just don't understand how boring my summers tend to be...well, on a day-to-day basis. white water rafting was fun), i'm getting antsy. a whole bunch of much-anticipated books come out this summer...at the end of july. in august. so far away, really...still, i'm sure the time will fly...and soon enough, i'll find myself walking around the college, tearing my hair out over the fact that i have so much to do...i'll be wishing for the large amounts of free time i have on my hands right now...even if it is boring.
in the meantime, i've been amusing myself by looking up gothloli stuff...not that i'd actually get anything...still, it's pretty cool. but, unfortunately, all the good costumes are sold in japan and are really, really expensive...not to mention the shipping...so, yet again, never going to get anything...
all right, enough rambling. i'm off to find something to keep me occupied for a while...maybe i'll go and watch more monty python (nobody expects the spanish inquisition!). bye!

finite nuances

i got my laptop! yay! finally. i'm pretty happy. yeah, but it seems like my laptop is going ot be the cause of many a sleepless night. my laptop now allows my brain to go faster when it wants to randomly make things up. i mean, i type waaaay faster than i can actually write...so last night was long...and i managed to get a lot of things done, oddly enough. it also might give me neck and back problems, as i was leaning down to see the screen for nearly four hours straight...sitting hunched over is not good for posture, apparently. huh. who knew?
well, other than that, i'm about to freak out because i can't find a whole bunch of my files. yep. i had them on a cd and the cd just up and disappeared. can't find it anywhere...that disk is like five years worth of creative work and it's nowhere to be found. and i have to find it because the files on my old computer won't convert, and i don't exactly feel like taking forever to simply copy and paste the work into some other program. believe me; it takes a while. so, i guess i'm going to have to tear apart my house looking for it.
oh, my parents are gone for the weekend/week. yep...woke up at like four this morning and went off on their little road trip. and my mom HAD to wake me up. she came in, shook me awake, and told me they were about to leave. and they left. yeah, after about an hour of going in and out of the house, slamming the door each and everytime, stomping around the house, and generally making as much noise as possible. lovely. so i've been up for a while...with very little sleep last night, as my laptop kept me amused and awake for a good long time.
well, i should leave now...i've got more things to do...ja na.

lonely but for the faerie raft beneath...

darkness creeps, nary a hint of sun, as she leans from the window, gazing in wonder at the stars whose colors shine with a different light. and what does her frame lay upon but a hill filled with shining hopes? those thoughts and dreams twine about her and sink below to fill halls of silver and gold, where the fairest dwell in ease. a mighty court, dressed in finery and word-spun silk, gaze up at those threads which bring to them the world. and so well did her heart beat they stole her from the hilltop, whispering lullabies along the way. so forever did she stay beneath, still form dressed in colors unknown, to sleep and dream for the eternal fae.
dreams are but whispers in the ears of time, slowly drifting as observers, helpless in sleep, are swept up with the current. sleep not upon hills of impossible green for who knows what visions lurk beneath?

dancing in moonlight

so the solstice is tonight. i have no real special plans...but, gosh...the full moon was yesterday, wasn't it? so close. but, back to solstice plans...you know, every year my mom and i get invited to this big midsummer festival out in the midwest. i'm going to go one year, i swear. unfortunately, lack of funds keeps me pretty much stationary...awww...and it looked so fun this year, too! well, like i said: someday...for now, i can only have small celebrations. but, sadly, as i work tomorrow, i can't really do anything...which is sad. i'd really like to have spent the day making cakes, dancing and singing, and just being generally merry. i wish i could have woken up with the sun and whatnot, spent the day in fun, festival-like activities, and then watched the sun set...but i didn't. i woke up at noon (after being up until like half an hour before the sun rose), and then i had a giant dose of laziness and spent most of my time playing Final Fantasy...but, hey...it works. i had a nice day of rest...
well, this is my last weekend of work. yay. now the rest of my summer can be spent without having to worry about the stupid little dramas of the nursing home...god, it's worse than high school in that place, what with all the grudges, talking behind people's backs, and gossip. it's really quite tiring. besides, my lungs are really acting up this summer...and my ribs, too...so it's better if i get some rest and see the doctor and whatnot before college.
speaking of college, i'm pretty excited. a bit apprehensive, but excited. i am ready for it. well, not quite. my laptop still hasn't arrived. in fact, the order was canceled and i had to reorder it. partly my fault. i don't normally remember to check my e-mail on a daily basis and missed an important e-mail...which sucks, but hopefully i'll get my laptop soon...considering i first ordered it a month ago...
i want it to rain. i like the rain. but everytime it rains, i'm either cooped up at work or asleep. i like to dance. and the rain glitters so invitingly.

"Perhaps we've been incorrectly labeled..."

so the scottish festival was fun. i didn't really get to go on saturday...well, except for the concert for Hunting McLoed (spl?). we made so many friends there. and, well, i just can't explain in words how awesome it was...
okay, onto something else...ah! i have three more days of working at the nursing home and then i'm gone...and then next month i'm going to the doctory, the eye doctor, the lung specialist, and whatnot...you know, to make sure that i have everything in order for college...i might have to go and get another TB test, seeing as i work at the nursing home...but i already had one...so, i might just have to get those records sent over to yhc...idk. but i will, most likely, have to get another one b/c i got a TB test when i started and i've been there for a while. well, whatever.
so, basically, i'm not really doing anything for the rest of the summer. except, well, to go to START at yhc and have some fun with angela and liz. and whoever...will's birthday is on the 11th, so we'll have to see what's happening with that...i wonder if he's doing anything for his birthday or if he'll have it later, considering he's going to START on that day...
well, enough of my ramblings...i'm going to write some and listen to the wonderful Narnian music that's playing from my living room...that's right. my parents are watching narnia. and the ONLY reason i'm not in there watching it with them is because i've already got most of the film memorized.
all right, bye, people!

sunshine, daisies...and a snowstorm!

eh, i can't wait until the weekend...it's going to be so fun...liz is coming for the weekend and the scottish festival is going to be here! isn't it great??? i just hope it doesn't rain too much...i don't mind the rain, really, but the festival might be canceled if it rains too much...which would be horrible. IT'S RAIN, PEOPLE! WATER! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MELT!!!!
i missed the festival last year because my mother was being idiotic...so i've been waiting for a LONG time for this weekend. i really have...
uggh...my laptop got delayed in production so it won't be shipped out for another week...that just makes me sad. i've been waiting for weeks...
well, there's not much else to say here...i mean, i don't lead the most interesting of lives...okay...so my room is now covered in post-it-notes...but, really, that's not too interesting...i mean, i've had maybe ten-fifteen hours of sleep in the past 72 hours...but it doesn't mean i'm cracked. yeah...well, the post-its are a product of my over-active imagination (which tends to wake up just around the time i want to go to sleep so i'm forced to turn my light back on, fumble around for pen and paper, put my glasses back on, and spend the next two or three hours writing stuff many people would consider nonsense...but, hey...it's all good, really!). i just HAD to research names, and then go on to write a few more scenes...really, this story is building differently than my other ones in the fact that it is NOT going in sequential order (like my stories normally do). and that just annoys...so, not only do i have to quick write these scenes down, but i also have to take the time to put them in order with the rest of my random pieces of paper.
but, enough about THAT. as i said, completely boring and non-interesting. so, i shall have to say farewell...

What do butterflies care?

okay, so it's hot. really hot. but not so hot as it is just plain muggy. horrible, really. and to think, i haven't been using my normal five blankets. it's surprising. even in summer i'm normally cold, but not this time. and it's not even summer yet! and, no matter how many times my step-dad cuts back the ivy, it just keep creeping in...we're being taken over. oh! but, speaking of plants, i planted some...yeah, just a little bit ago...some sweetpea, mint, forget-me-nots, basil, catnip, rosemary, and i think that's it...i might be forgetting something, but it's okay. the plant, i'm sure, will forgive me.
so, is there any drama for me to report? well, none that i'd care to. well, except for the fact that i am so extremely bored, i would like to cry. but, hey...nothing new there. my life is not interesting...unless you count my crazy family interesting. but, really, after living with it for a while, it's just annoying. no longer interesting in the least. sorry.
oh, how i would like to report that i've been sleeping well, not disturbed by random, made up facts for a story i haven't even really started yet. but, alas, i AM disturbed. i would like to, right now, tell my imagination that i am really tired of all the sleepless nights, the sudden need to get up and abandon my long-awaited tv show...that i really would like, now and then, to eat something other than crackers and string cheese. but, hey, it's not going to listen to me. i've tried it before...doesn't work. but at least i've been eating a little bit more than i used to...i mean, i added cheese...and i eat hotpockets and chicken every now and then...wow...looking back on all of my summers, i know now why i stayed under a hundred pounds for so long...i didn't really start gaining too much weight until i started working at dominos last summer...and i was all too glad to gain weight there. mmm...pizza.
well, back to sheer boredom...i would watch a movie or something, but i don't know what i want to watch...there are so many...or i could (sigh) go and draw that map my story's been screaming at me to draw...but, you know, i still have to get a few things in order before i do that...i guess i could outline those three religions...THAT's going to be fun. not. i have to put threads of each into the others and then set down the differences, make sure nothing's too repetitive, you know, the usual stuff...i mean, they're basically in sequential order...just separated by maybe a thousand years or so...speaking of which, after i set down the general basis for each one, i have to go through any evolutions on the part of the actual practices, any corruptions, degenerations, all that good stuff...yeah, my imagination YET AGAIN taking over my life...
well, i should get cracking...bye!

aww, crap! i have to start on that language...i have to at least have it for some of the religious rituals i KNOW i'm going to have to write down...dammit...and there's one crucial part of the plot which revolves around that language...grr...i hate me...well, not really...i just annoy the crap out of myself sometimes...now, am i going to base it off the english language structure, or get down into the latin languages? or i could go completely random and base it off of something else...hmm...must think on this...

cry into the night's rain

when it rains, we touch a sky lowered by sorrow. gray and filled with clouds, that hidden, endless expanse reflects a troubled heart with such ease--even as the cool air seeps through imagined barriers. but in the rain lies a secret triumph. drops of water, so crystalline and glimmering, hide what tears we shed. so the world remains happy in the face of a crowded emptiness.can you imagine the horror of the rain in a solitude world? the water drips, eerie and loud, against ears no longer used to laughter. do not leave us in the rain alone, friend of mine. we cannot bear to dance in this dim without your light.

but the rain, as always, passes, lifting the pall that grips our hearts. yet, without you, Oh glimmering Star, the world continues on, not as bright, not as glorious as before the storm. so do not blink out, do not fail those dreams you set. for if your wishes flicker and disappear, how will we find our way back to the memories you gave? we ask not for a new sun in the dark, but rather a candle in the night. confort us again, i beg, and leave us not alone in this desperate, starless night. though we clasp the hands of others, we cannot coax the moon to rise without youe smile.

please, mind not the rainstorm we harbor. think only of your own troubled seas. we will follow when these clouds clear again.

such a pity it is my voice cannot wing its way to your wounded heart.

ahh...the bliss of summer...

yeah. right. my first official weekday of summer break and everything is sooo confusing. i woke up this morning to angry phone messages from my stepdad demanding why no one is answering the phone. my mom is nowhere to be seen...so i wander around, investigating. i find her outside, with my brothers, playing with the ground. so i go back in, grab the phone, and demand she call my stepdad because he, apparently, has something important to tell her. so she gets on and tells him to leave her alone because she's digging. oooookay...so my stepdad comes home for lunch and goes and asks her why she's digging. apparently, she doesn't have a reason. she just wants to dig a hole. yeah. welcome to my life. isn't it just completely logical? see why i can never be normal? i mean, my mother digs holes...for fun...and my dad is off somewhere, being all computer-geeky, playing a song, or...well, he doesn't do much else...
oh, yeah...life after high school is starting out beautifully...well, i should go...

And now comes the eventide

so my last day of school wasn't as completely devastating as i thought it would be. in fact, the only times i almost cried were when i read kriegy's little message and when mrs. durbin started to cry...school today was pretty normal, really...except for the inordinate amount of hugs i got...now, off to the wonderful before-college-summer where there will be much working and contemplating of existenc-ness...yeah...
oh! i took off from school about twenty minutes early so that angela, jennifer, liz, and i could go and see The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. very good movie by the way, even though there were some deviations...but they were good, really, and made the whole thing just a tad more in depth...there was, of course, the typical hollywood romance going on (just a teeny bit...three glances, a rescue, and a kiss), but it was okay. speaking of, caspian was very sexy...
well, anyway, though this be the end of the AP class, i shall continue on with my blog, even if the updates come further from each other than before...
well, bye all!

The Last Days

so i have two more days (not including the graduation practice crap)! yeah...and they continue to go by like a snail trapped in amber. but wait! apprehension is setting in (like, i'm gonna trip on my way to get my diploma, aren't i?). isn't it wonderful? ah, but i still have to go to work.
haha...debbie, my boss, asked me if i was going to work full time this summer. ... ... ... like hell. no WAY am i going to work full time when that place sucks the life out of you in just four hours. sure, it'd be nice to get benefits. but i'm not willing to be in the hospital all the time to get them (it'd happen, i know it would; those nursing homes have all kind of random illnesses floating around, waiting for a young person to pounce on). besides, i'll probably be quitting halfway through the summer anyway. as i have no car and am probably getting a job on campus, having a job in blairsville would be idiotic. not to mention annoying to anyone i roped in to driving me (probably angela or liz. poor things. they drive me around enough as it is).

all right. onto the juicy bits. the AP test. I can't tell anyone anything about the multiple choice...EVER (but i think i can say that i thought them easier than the lit questions). And I can't discuss the essay questions until friday (really, what do they think our teachers are going to do in that two-day after period? hunt down our essays and change them? quick e-mail the questions to their study-buddies in other states?). but i will say that i think my strongest essay was my synthesis essay. i feel pretty good about that one.
what sucks most about the AP test (you mean besides the fact that it's so long so early in the morning?). well, we won't get the results back until july. that SUCKS. really, we deserve immediate results just for showing up.

well, i suppose i should stop where i am; i have to put icing on two more cupcakes and then they'll be ready. bye!

wait, here's a trivia question: what's worse than having the AP exam first thing in the morning?
A: having two japanese songs (one in which "PEACH" is yelled out a billion times) and "rebelde" stuck in my head while taking the AP exam.

oops

so i haven't updated in a while...a week, right? well, i'm sorry. i've been working a lot and then there were other things that occupied my mind. forgive me if i forgot. oh! i started another fan fic...which i might just go and see about continuing in a moment...yeah, i should probably do that.
well, today has been an interesting day, certainly. this morning, we had our reading checks and, for the life of me, i couldn't remember anything but random details which didn't help me. Like, i completely flaked on the rally and i'm pretty sure that i got the childbirth thing wrong...but, hey, at least i remembered that Davy was the third son, even if i didn't remember his name.
all right...so the update is complete. now, onto other things...like spanish, where i'll want to fall asleep (and likely will!). bye now.

so it all ends with a trill

prom was fun. at least, i thought it was. my group might have made quite a lot of people feel awkward or freaked out but, hey, that's what we do. so i danced with a complete stranger (once...he sorta freaked me out...) and danced with some other guys, too...like walker, and steven, and mugen, and will (once and only because he seemed like he was having fun). and i danced with liz, angela, beth, ellie, and a few others...which was fun...our group also got into a giant circle more than once for the slow dances...which gave us much amusement (i think we had eleven or twelve people at one point!). after prom was kinda fun--in that sedate, all-we-want-to-do-is-fall-down sorta way...we ended up getting to the cabin and collapsing on the couches (after divesting ourselves of our prom attire) to watch tv. we watched beverly hills cop. and with will there, it was even more hysterical. we all made random comments while angela and i dozed off (i remember waking up every couple of minutes to throw out random sentences which, most likely, didn't make any sense). well, angela and i finally crawled upstairs and started watching the craft...in lieu of roots. i believe ellie, kaitlyn, and ashley came up after that, and we all kinda drifted off to the movie. this morning was fun, tho...we all woke up about ten (earlier for maybe three people, tho)...and went downstairs to bug each other. we all ended up strewn about the sitting room, watching Kong and eating oreos. we also poked, tickled, and threated each other as much as possible (in between the jokes and hilarity). so, all in all, it was pretty fun...despite how my saturday went (asthma attack, allergic reaction, benedryl mishap, no water, cold shower, argument with parentals over my non-dating status during prom...).
okay...so i'm going to attempt to find the latest three episodes of bleach...grr. some people are putting up fake episodes just to mess with us who are devoted...i hate them all!
well, bye!

ahhh! the dreams of fairies!

so i got to look after the two cutest kids ever...well, almost ever. arien and aidan were over today (3-year-old and 7 mo. old...in that order))...their dad came to fish and his wife made him bring them...and they're so cute! awww...both have blonde hair...but arien has blue-green eyes and riotous blond curls while aiden has blue-gray eyes and dark blonde hair (which will most likely turn to brown when he's older). and this right after having to deal with old people. but, hey...the kids were well-behaved (well, aidan slept most of the time, being his baby-self in the middle of the day). and all i had to do was entertain arien a bit (by painting her nails and letting her send undecipherable messages to angela). well, it was a fun afternoon to spend, despite my being completely drained. so i'm gonna go and watch some tv and hope i fall asleep quick.
well, bye!

when i'm off chasing butterflies...

all right. i have nothing new to report, no exciting news or anything like that...wait...i got string cheese!!!! yeah, not that exciting. so, though hopes are being toppled by the world, i've been alarmingly cheerful. i think it's a side effect of too many hot pockets. or the weather. it could be the weather, not that i'm outside enough to know.
yey! my spring break started today! yes! three days of total, unbelievable freedom!isn't it great? ah, i found another anime to obsess over. i know everyone cares, so i'll fill you in. you and the ivy that has begun to twine around my computer desk...yeah, that stuff has successfully infiltrated. it should be congratulated. anyway...back to the anime. i had started on fullmetal alchemist (which, for normal anime-junkies, is one of the first to watch) but then i moved onto DN Angel, which is pretty good...although someday, after i've rewatched all 160+ episodes of bleach and the entire Mobile Suit Gundam Wing (for the third time), i might get back to fullmetal alchemist...first, tho, i think i might check out blood+, watch the miyazaki films again, and then maybe a few random anime movies i find on animekiosk...yep...okay, i know this is a bit weird of me, but, really, what else do i have to do? i mean, it's not like i have any new books i can read. and i've already read the ones i have three to four times (more like twenty for some of my favorites).
ah! look at the time! it's almost 12:30! my day is half done! gee...well, i'll just go and do something now...maybe talk to my family. lord knows what they've been up to since the last time we spoke. they could've done anything in the past week! well, anyway...sayonara!

Until Nefertiti is found, we can't speak of this doom

i am SO excited...about what? well, there are somethings i can tell you and one you'll have to wait a couple more days for...oh, but for the things i can tell you! oh! there's this one book that's coming out this summer that i'm really psyched about...and i just went on the author's site and found out that the book is the beginning of a four-part thingie she's embarking on (with other books in between). well, anyway...this book, which i've been looking forward to for a long, long while...well, it's leading up to this book about a character i absolutely love...even tho i've met him in only one book...but i know he's awesome...and that book will lead into the book of one of my other favorite, mysterious characters...and that will lead to a brand new (but probably totally wondermus) character...isn't it great? but, i know you don't care...yep...it's acheron, jaden, savitar, and then mystery dude...eeeek! it's so exciting...i just cannot believe it! oh, this summer is going to be so awesome for books!
this weekend has been full of work, work, work! and tomorrow i have to get up at five to get ready for work...which will totally suck...but it's all good...i'll get sleep in somehow...
well, no one pays attention beyond a certain point anyway, so i'll just say goodbye...

my words tumble forth in a manner most confusing

i'm so excited! about what, you ask? eh, nothing in particular...i'm just happy spring break is coming soon. maybe i'll get some rest, despite the fact i'll proabbly be working the whole time. but, hey, who's complaining? well, i'm in an exceptionally good mood right now, which is great...i mean, i just got attacked by a goose, for goodness' sake! yep. a goose. i don't blame it...i mean, i accidentally got too close to its nest and then it started hissing and honking right before it flew up and tried to beat me with its wings...luckily i got away...and all was well. but before that, i ended up going out onto the porch (gasp! you actually went outside?)...and talked to my mom and stepdad for a good while...i don't exactly remember the last time i did something like that...well, i should go, considering i've got a bit more of the jungle to read...bye!

blossoms, like snow, fall upon the tender grass which by monstrous boots is trodden

so i feel relieved...and guilty...i probably could've handled the situation better, but it needed to be done...and now that it is, i regret any hurt i caused...and i'm sure a i caused quite a bit...but freedom, they say, costs a bit, even if it costs a revolution of self...
so! the pathways reception was awesome...it was fun...tho it seemed shorter than usual. funny, that...and not as many people came. but, seriously, it was of major amusement for a good while. afterwards was a bit odd, but that's mainly my fault...i just had to pick that day, huh? well, it was inevitable...better now than some other less opportune time, yes? well, there's not much else to report, unfortunately, other than the fact that i feel i haven't gotten any real sleep in months...yet again, my own fault...i really should try and sleep more...but there are so many interesting books and such; i just can't leave them be for something so trivial as sleep. but i like sleep, really, i do...my dreams are quite vivid...and every bit as interesting as my books. still, books can be deliberately read again...while dreams are evanescent, fleeting. so that should cause me to choose dreams over books, right? well, books are tangible...and they smell good.
well, i must say goodnight; it is getting late...midnight, you know...and i have to be up early tomorrow...

when chapstick runs away

so Love Monster and Vampire Knight were updated. yay! i've been waiting for those two manga chapters forever! well, not forever...more like a month and a half. but, hey! they updated! it's so wonderful. and, yes, i know no one cares. but i just had to say it. so exciting.
well, my weekend was nice. i learned a couple of things and my resolve about something in particular ended up strengthened...so a good weekend after all...and then there were one or two things i did...yep...but i'm not gonna tell! no, really, nothing happened. i might as well be in boreville. except that angela and liz were with me, so things were quite lively.
oh! that reminds me. i made whiskey cakes this weekend with angela. yep. they were so fluffy and yummy, it was unbelievable! now i just have to figure out a measurement for the amount of whiskey to put in. oh, don't worry; you can't put too much in or the cakes won't bake right. just think of them as something comparable to rum cake...only with whiskey. so, no getting drunk off of cake!
well, there's not much else i can babble about, so i guess i'll head out now...well, bye!

like lightning!

so my head's going to explode but, hey...there are worse ways to go. my life, sadly, is swinging precariously on a cliff and the ground is three feet down. it's scary. no, not really. actually, things are going fine, though i must admit, i'd like everything to be a bit more...lively. my life, such as it is, is really, really boring. but, hey! it's St. Patrick's Day! if only i didn't feel so bad...i really shouldn't have gone into that basement...too much dust down there...and now my sinuses are trying to kill me...what a shame.
on a lighter note, i've nothing to report, really. life has remained the same. no horrid surprises or whatnot...yep...so, that's my post for today...bye!