blossoms, like snow, fall upon the tender grass which by monstrous boots is trodden

so i feel relieved...and guilty...i probably could've handled the situation better, but it needed to be done...and now that it is, i regret any hurt i caused...and i'm sure a i caused quite a bit...but freedom, they say, costs a bit, even if it costs a revolution of self...
so! the pathways reception was awesome...it was fun...tho it seemed shorter than usual. funny, that...and not as many people came. but, seriously, it was of major amusement for a good while. afterwards was a bit odd, but that's mainly my fault...i just had to pick that day, huh? well, it was inevitable...better now than some other less opportune time, yes? well, there's not much else to report, unfortunately, other than the fact that i feel i haven't gotten any real sleep in months...yet again, my own fault...i really should try and sleep more...but there are so many interesting books and such; i just can't leave them be for something so trivial as sleep. but i like sleep, really, i do...my dreams are quite vivid...and every bit as interesting as my books. still, books can be deliberately read again...while dreams are evanescent, fleeting. so that should cause me to choose dreams over books, right? well, books are tangible...and they smell good.
well, i must say goodnight; it is getting late...midnight, you know...and i have to be up early tomorrow...

when chapstick runs away

so Love Monster and Vampire Knight were updated. yay! i've been waiting for those two manga chapters forever! well, not forever...more like a month and a half. but, hey! they updated! it's so wonderful. and, yes, i know no one cares. but i just had to say it. so exciting.
well, my weekend was nice. i learned a couple of things and my resolve about something in particular ended up strengthened...so a good weekend after all...and then there were one or two things i did...yep...but i'm not gonna tell! no, really, nothing happened. i might as well be in boreville. except that angela and liz were with me, so things were quite lively.
oh! that reminds me. i made whiskey cakes this weekend with angela. yep. they were so fluffy and yummy, it was unbelievable! now i just have to figure out a measurement for the amount of whiskey to put in. oh, don't worry; you can't put too much in or the cakes won't bake right. just think of them as something comparable to rum cake...only with whiskey. so, no getting drunk off of cake!
well, there's not much else i can babble about, so i guess i'll head out now...well, bye!

like lightning!

so my head's going to explode but, hey...there are worse ways to go. my life, sadly, is swinging precariously on a cliff and the ground is three feet down. it's scary. no, not really. actually, things are going fine, though i must admit, i'd like everything to be a bit more...lively. my life, such as it is, is really, really boring. but, hey! it's St. Patrick's Day! if only i didn't feel so bad...i really shouldn't have gone into that basement...too much dust down there...and now my sinuses are trying to kill me...what a shame.
on a lighter note, i've nothing to report, really. life has remained the same. no horrid surprises or whatnot...yep...so, that's my post for today...bye!

Absence makes the heart grow weak

so i watched 10,000 BC...it was pretty good, despite the huge historical inacuracy. i would actually go watch it again. it was wonderfully done and the story itself was quite interesting. it really was excellent, and i'm glad i went and watched it. well, as i've nothing else to report, i suppose i shall leave now. bye.

sing to the skies, my dear, and nothing shall harm you...

so today was a pretty good day. i spent first/third block watching Peter Pan (the newer version), and then in second/fourth, i spent the block helping to make pancakes...and watching Rebelde. And, while Rebelde isn't one of those shows i'd ever really watch, once you start, you can't really not watch it...it's like the doramas i watch...so, yeah...and then we all went home in the middle of the day...which has messed up my perception of time...all i really want to do now is listen to music and maybe go to sleep...but that's never going to happen. so i'll go search for something to watch...well, bye!

Not ready to admit the obvious

i tend to surround myself in dreams, cloaking my thoughts from myself, afraid of what lurks beneath...or something of that nature. no, really...i love my dreams...but sometimes they tend to rule my thoughts. they're such interesting dreams, after all. i want to remember them all. and, while they are vivid enough to last a few days, i forget a good portion. i don't like that. yes, there are some which make no sense whatsoever, but i still like them! still, i should be less consumed with dreams and more consumed with the reality which nevertheless continues to enshroud me in a pall of normalcy. or so it seems.
okay, but no one wants to hear that. in fact, no one wants to hear anything besides something about themselves...humans are narcissists at heart, i think. secretly, of course. because it's against society to be narcissistic...funny, huh? let us frown upon our own shadowy characters.
no one pays attention anymore (sorry, sudden shift in subject). i mean, no one catches it anymore, do they? the rippling glimmer of sunlight reflecting silver in a creek? or the snatches of gold which seem to peek through. no one pays attention to the water's whisper anymore. they no longer care. there's blood in the trees, you see...but no one believes. not that i'm a big environmentalist. not anymore, at least. oh, when i was eight, i was completely informed (or so i thought) on the state of the environment. i wanted to grow up and save the world. and now all i want to do is sit back and watch. i want to watch as everything fades, because there's beauty in that, too. a sad beauty, yes, but beauty all the same.
oh! gosh...i'm bored...and even more miserable because i feel listless...i really don't want to do anything. that, i think, is worse than anything...but, to go and find something to do (hopefully). adieu!

Sing me now asleep/then to your offices and let me rest

so today at the nursing home was pretty nice...i like it there. i sat with a nice woman today at dinner and met some other charming residents. once i get to know everyone and everything like that, i am sure to really enjoy working there. what else? well, there's nothing much more to say, really. only that i'm going to go eat some dinner...
hey! i have several new ideas for a story, but i'll let them stay in my head and ferment a bit...they need to be a bit stronger before i try to write them down. but i can tell you that i find them of great interest--not that this means everyone else will...and i still have not gotten to any of my other stories; possibly because i'm lazy...that could be a determining factor there.
well, i'm going to leave now...bye!

no time for fly-by dives

so one of my dogs was put down today. poor bruno...he's had cancer since last april and has just been going along the best he could...but he's been getting really bad lately, so...yeah...it makes me a little sad; i mean, bruno's been with my mom longer than i have...so she's quite upset. my step-dad, too...poor bruno. he was such a giant, bigg, fluffy, awesome, let-me-sit-in-your-lap dog. he was half australian shepherd and half rottie...and so loveable!
but! enough of the melancholy. i can't spend the rest of my life in mourning--for anyone. it's impractical. well, listen to me, prattling on about the impracticality of mourning. don't i sound horribly apathetic? but that's just me. i handle losses well--or at least people say i do. and it's not because i don't care, or that i don't feel the loss. i do...it's simply that i want to spend my time thinking about the ones who are left. because, after all, they're important, too. let the lost stay in prayers, i think, and in memories. if i mourned the loss of everyone in my family--dead or simply gone--then i'd do nothing but mourn. and who really wants to do that? as i said; it's impratical. besides, i remember them just as easily when i'm happy as when i'm sad.
wow...i said i'd get off that subject, didn't i? well, forgive me, please. i get around to thinking about things and just go around and around...well, onto lighter stuff (finally). daylight saving's time. horrible time of the year. everyone's irritable and just plain tired. we should do away with daylight saving's time and stop messing with our already skewed perceptions of the subject. really.
ah! i'm reading this cool economics book on china. it's pretty interesting, actually. i just bought it at the book nook on a whim but i actually find it quite informative.
bah, i shouldn't be rambling on so long; no one cares, after all, in the long run. do they? well, in any case, Auf Wiedersehen!

my life as a rainy day

there are some points in your life when you think, "this can't be happening, it's not real." but what if it was always like that? and i don't mean to ask, "what if your whole life was bad?" no. i mean, what if, sitting on the couch, watching tv, suddenly seemed the least real thing in the world? sometimes, i just stop whatever i'm doing and i just look around. and i get this feeling that nothing's real; it's all a dream. maybe because colors are so...soft outside of my dreams. when i sleep, colors have a deeper tone to them, like there's more depth to them; almost as if i'm not just seeing them. but it's a ridiculous thought, isn't it? that everything's a dream. still, everything's too...i don't know. don't listen to me; i'm just off in i-have-nothing-to-do-except-sit-and-think-of-random-things land...
ivy is growing in my house. yep. ivy. it came in through the window...we live in this old house and the wood is kinda cracked and aging, which lets ivy creep in all the time. there's even ivy growing out of one of the light sockets! that's supposed to be good luck. but, i can't really determine whether i've had good luck or not. i don't think i have...but, then, perhaps it works over the long run...and bad things that happen have happened because they needed to in order to get better...sort of like when you're sick, i suppose. well, anyway...my little ivy vines keep me company here, creeping in away from the outside...i don't know why it'd want to be in here, though...the outside world is so much more beautiful...well, at least here it is...we have those nice grassy yards with tall, stately trees growing at nice intervals, with their shadows just barely touching each other. it's nice. but i miss my old house, too...we had woods there. it was nice. it rendered a different sort of feeling than this one does...similar, but different. but they make me smile.
well, enough of that nonsense! i must go back to honey and clover, my newest drama-obsession...it has one of my favorite actors in it and i bet none of you have heard of him (well, almost none of you)...well, bye!

Of all the things to wish against...

my stupid mother is being a stupid mother. again. as usual, she's asking the "what are you going to do...?" question in order to avoid all responsibility. you know, she actually had the audacity today to use me as an excuse as to why she "couldn't" get a job. lovely. i just absolutely love it when i'm used as an escape clause. but, that's not the real issue here. and i shouldn't be ragging on my mom so much. i understand that she has her flaws and there aren't really that many things i can do to jog her out of her rut without permanently hurting her feelings. i'd rather do that when i didn't rely on her so much...it would make things easier. well, at least a little bit, anyway. I'd still feel horribly guilty for the rest of my life, i'm afraid...
okay, on to happier subjects. like pillows. a pillow sounds really nice. a giant, wonderful, fluffy one that smells like chocolate and detergent. and a blanket--no, make that a quilt. a big, wonderful down-filled one that never stops poofing unless you wedge it between two three-ton rocks for forty years. yes...and a nice cup of hot chocolate with those teeny marshmallows. and a book. an all-engrossing, fantastical, wondermus book that never ends. a small, white room with late-spring sunlight streaming through billowing, gauzy curtains...and the smell of flowers floating in through the open windows...
oh! you know what my favorite flowers are? lilies and daffodils. they're like total opposites. lillies are elagant, with bold lines and delicate colors. but daffodils are durable, bright, peppy flowers. yep, totally unalike but my favorite flowers anyway. i can't wait until my daffodils grow in. my step-dad had better not mow them down this time.
well, i'm going to go now. bye-bye!

In Loving Memory of the Untamed

i've nothing much to report, i'm afraid. other than i've made cupcakes. they were good, too. oh, hey...does anyone know the difference between dusk and twilight? the dictionary defines twilight as "The time of the day when the sun is just below the horizon, especially the period between sunset and dark" and dusk as "the state or period of partial darkness between day and night; the dark part of twilight." so, i suppose the only difference is that twilight encompases dusk. hmm...i've always thought of twilight as more a dark blue and dusk more gray...or, at least that moment when the colors from the sunset have faded but darkness hasn't quite come yet...so, i guess i'm thinking that dusk is before twilight...like right now--or in a minute or two--would be dusk and twilight would be just seconds before darkness envelopes the world...or something to that effect. but, i guess no one's really thought about that too much, hmm? you know, twilight can be applied to the morning, as well, when dusk cannot. it's simply that twilight is more commonly associated with sunset rather than sunrise. isn't that odd? but, i'm probably boring you...
ah! this year is a great year for books, i think. five books i've been waiting to read come out this year...and all within three months! the first comes in july, two more come in august, and then the last two are in september...i'm so happy and can't wait.
okay, well i've babbled enough. it's time to go...