in taking back the lies

eeeeek! okay, sorry about that, but i'm reading a totally wonderful Gundam Wing fanfic! oh, i'm so excited. i haven't found one this wonderfully written in ages! oh, it makes me smile! oh, and i got my latest fanfic chapter finished; i just have to send it for proofreading and then i can update! i'm so happy. yep, squeaking up a storm here...do you know how hard it is to find a decent fanfic nowadays? it's tough. really. you have to sift through all the junk until you find that one glimmering star, halfheartedly shining in all its faded glory. but, well, i have to go finish it...and highly praise the authors! sayonara!

after everything, appearances must be kept

so my mother is going bitchy. not crazy, mind you. just bitchy. more than usual, actually, so it's a bit hard not to slam her for everything she's not doing whenever she starts yelling at me for no apparent reason. still, i am, if nothing else, secretly nice, and don't want to hurt her frail little emotions. not directly, anyway. guilt's a horrid thing to live with, you know? and i have enough for the moment, thank you. well, besides that, there's not much else to say. there's not really been much of an update in my life, beyond the fact that time keeps moving without me. all right, well, i'm off to go write some more on my fanfic...before people lose interest in the story...buh-bye now.

"there's always a catch," said the cynic

pathways is almost finished!!!!! yay! but, then, there are changes to be made, especially if people who haven't done anything before now keep trying to change everything at the last minute. and they make them because they don't really understand what we've done. and why don't they know? because, even though they have time, they have decided not to do ANYTHING to help. well, besides help judge some of the artwork. yeah, real nice. grr...but, being the nice, wonderful people that we are, angela and i decided to accomodate these people and shifted half the pages in pathways so that these people could have their better-late-than-never way. jeez. i wouldn't mind so much if they'd actually TALKED to angela and i about their "suggestions," but they didn't. Instead, they went to mrs. durbin about it. and then there's the fact that they haven't actually WORKED on anything even remotely pertaining to pathways; unless you count their submissions. ugh. it makes me angry. Still, one of them was truly well-founded in their complaint. i understand completely. but the other two...they're just pissy because the only two people who have actually done anything can't anticipate their every whim and desire. so we're not psychic. yeah, take out a stick and beat us for it. stupid, freaking, mumble mumble...if it weren't for them, i'd be working on the index right now...
grrrrr...but! tomorrow is our writer's club picture and we get to have cupcakes for breakfast! woohoo!
well, have fun, everyone! as for me, well, i'm leaving. bye now!

i'll weep as apples fall from the sky

i might be getting a car. might. as in, probably won't happen but i'll cross my fingers anyway. it's an '03 Acura RSX (i think). so, i'll be hoping for that. it's white and, while normal people wouldn't see the paint mistakes, i have...they taped it off totally incorrectly and they didn't take off the fenders to paint those, either, so they messed up there. luckily, however, if i do get it, my stepdad will paint it for me...hopefully without any embellishes...because i know he's gonna insist on doing a flame job and it's going to take a lot to convince him not to...anyway, like i said; it's not set in stone, not at all. well, i've seen it and my stepdad and i looked at the tires (which are really good; the tread is fabulous), and the engine, too...still looks pretty damn good...the stereo, however, could be better but it works...i'm not too worried about it. i think, if i get it, i'll like it very much. it will work well for me...and it's small! isn't that great...yes, small is on the top of my list; i am a teeny person and do not want to be driving around in a big, hulking vehicle. not at all. hell, if it was bigger, i'd feel like a four-year-old in it. so small is good for a car. still, like i said, it's not definite, so i shouldn't get my hopes up.
now, that's all i really wanted to say, so i'm gonna go, kay? bye

Exceptional fortitude is just a kinder way of saying "obstinancy"

so i've nothing to do. but that doesn't prove any different than most other days...in fact, i'm simply stating the obvious at this point. uggh...i want to go braid my hair. i think i will in a few minutes. and i'll probably wear it up tomorrow. i'm to the point where i want to hack all my hair off but i'm not going to because who knows what it's going to look like as it grows out? so i'll leave it alone and just let it get longer...hah...years and years from now, i'll be one of those old women with long, gray hair always in a braid straight down their backs, walking around in long, poofy skirts and outrageously colored shirts. yep. that's my plan.
so i'll probably ramble on for a bit of a turn, simply because boredom snuck up on me and is now attempting to play chess...
it needs to warm up. after all, it feels like spring. funny, how can you explain that? spring always reminds me of my grandmother's house. not the one i lived with, the other one. i would stay in this little white room with a little bed covered in floral patterns. everything smelled like my grandmother but i never minded; she smells good. i don't know how to explain it. and it smelled like powder in there, too, because my grandmother had this old powder container on my dresser, filled with baby powder, and there was this wonderful feathery thing resting there, like it was a cradle. anyway, in the mornings, i would wake up to the sun filling up the little room and birds chirping just outside the window, like they were trying to tell me how wonderful it was going to be that day. i always felt so happy when i was over there, so bright. i don't know what to say about it. it makes me smile, the memory does. ah, but i was talking about spring, yes? it's there, in the air, waiting for me when i wake up and, despite the cold, spring lingers in the trees, the sky, as i step outside. and i can't help but smile. regardless of the temperatures, spring is coming and it makes me feel like...waiting. spring is anticipation, i think...and bright green. it's wonderful.
hmm...i just ordered more books from amzon...it was a bit troublesome at first but totally worth it...i bought a book for my AP book project thingie and a couple others (i just couldn't resist!) now i have to wait for a couple of days for them to get here...and then i can read them! yay!
well, i should go now. bye.

i want to make a dinosuar from an emu!

nothing's been happening. nothing at all, really. ah! but, we're getting to work on pathways! which is good; we've made all our selections and have begun to put the magazine together (building pages and whatnot). it's been hard getting everything sorted out; we had to have everyone vote on stuff; we had to sort that into folders, type them up, put them in new folders, re-sort them into categories depending on their original categories, and, once used, must put them all into separate folders labeled with their proper categories and the term "used." oh! and we need more essays. the only essays we have are from angela and myself...so, please! give us essays! it would be awesome...okay, well, i can't report much else to you besides the fact that we've picked a cover. and it's pretty good...i'm excited about it, as is everyone else...of course, it was our second pick; we wanted to do another one but, because we're not doing a full-color cover this year, we had to abandon that plan. but just know it was the best cover ever! still, like i said, the newer one rocks, too.
well, i know nobody cares. oh, but i'd like to thank ed for submitting all of his prose in...they were awesome and every single one was voted in. yay! okay...moving on...i haven't put any chapstick on in three hours; i'm getting antsy. oh! i've been looking up stuff on Twilight, mainly because i'm bored. It's a good series, to be sure. not exactly the best ever, but still wonderful. and it's getting a lot of people to read, which is good, you know? i think we finally have at least two of our twenty copies back on the library shelves. they've been checked out forever. well, enough of that. what else should i talk about? well, i can lament about the fact that none of my regular mangas have been updated in a while. i should probably go watch some more bleach but, oddly enough, i don't feel like it. i've missed like eight episodes...well, i'll go see about them...eventually...actually, i think i'll let them build up for a bit more before tackling them...that way i can get a bunch of them in one fell swoop.
ack! i have to rewrite some of my stories...there goes 140+ pages to rifle through and edit. see why i've not opened the document up since i finished it three years ago. wow. three years. that's insane. i can't believe that was three years ago. wow. i don't think i WANT to read what's in there; i might die of grammatical shock. there are a lot of things i need to fix...uggh...i had to completely toss out one of my earlier stories...simply because i don't think i could EVER make it work...oh, and i should finish that one story...i mean, it's on like page 170...i really SHOULD finish it...but, i don't feel like it...and then there's the witch story...i've trashed the eight chapters i had and am now starting from the beginning. not to mention there are a couple of fanfics i should be working on...i'm thinking of an epilogue for my ouran fic...but, yet again, i don't feel like it. ah! but there are maybe fifty or so stories i've written a first chapter for...and never got beyond that...and there's the eight-page history which doesn't belong to anything...it's just some random history written in the middle of a high fever...it's actually quite good, i think...and i can detect a hint of a story there...post-apocalyptic type, a bit further removed than most, though.
well, enough of that stuff...i'm just listing things in order to get everything sorted out in my head...sometimes things cross and i have to trash some stories because they've morphed into a more recent and interesting story. i recycle a lot of my themes and many different elements from older stories...jeez...i really should get to editing Shadowed Path. there are a couple of things which are just sort of sitting there at the back of my brain, screaming that they need to be fixed.
okay. i'll be going, now...ciao!

Apathy does NOT control my life...

angela was out today! it's been like six days since i saw her last! wow. that makes me sad. she fell prey to the plague. that's right; i'm calling it a plague. might as well be one; you come back from it feeling like the undead. well, i've been out, as everyone knows...maybe...and came back today. lucky me, i developed an extremely stuffy nose and sore throat this morning and now, joy of joys, my cold is miving into my chest--where it will probably settle in for a month or two. wonderful, isn't it? jeez, at least it isn't like when i had bronchitis. i had that AND a staph infection at the same time. talk about irritating. talk about absolutely death-worthy. not really. but i was out for nearly three weeks for that...yep, that was back in middle school when i missed an average of like thirty+ days a year...go me. but now, in high school, i'm never given the proper time to get better. which only keeps me sick and tired all the time. at least i had breaks in between sicknesses in middle school. now it's always there. but hey...it's all good. i'm only sick so often because my lungs and sinuses are wonky and retarded and love to throw sinus and random-illness parties.
but! enough of that. i think i might just go and play final fantasy or something. possibly a more violent game. after all, rpg battles are just not violent enough. although FFXII isn't turnbase like the others, which is pretty cool. and i don't have to rely on magic nearly as much in this game; i only use cure and stuff like that. i mean, seriously...using magic sucks. my philosophy has always been something pertaining to the following: if you can kill it with an extremely wicked-awesome sword, why the hell use magic?
but, really...i should go disinfect my room or something...and my hoodie. no, better make that ALL my hoodies.
so, sayonara! i must be off!

I've never felt this random before

okay, so the world is a wonderful, awesome place filled with awesome individuals who do awesome things. but, i must admit, people are violent, deranged, and evil. that's right. and they scare me. ugh. i can't even think about more than like twenty people without wanting to build a bomb shelter and spend the rest of my life underground. which sucks, because i really like looking out the window at the world. i mean, nature is beautiful. and, while nature has so much movement, so much life, i'm not threatened. not nearly as much as i am by people. it's a problem, i admit, but it's all good. if i just stay in my own little world, nothing can hurt me...excpet for POLITICS getting so damned IDIOTIC! all right, the american system might have worked wonderfully when there were only a handful of states, but now it's just ridiculous. i mean, does anyone ever get anything done? there are too many politicians, each with their own individual agendas and to hell with the rest of the citizens. but let's not get into a political rant, shall we? that would be unproductive (not that i get much done anyway).
so i wanna work with old people. yep...i wanna work at the nursing home. why? well, so i can continue my assimilation of the old person persona. that's right. i'm an old person at heart. all i want to do is snuggle up on top of a heated matress, under a heated blanket, bake all day, read all day, and weave. oh, and stare out the window mumbling stories to myself. and if i have to walk anywhere, by god, i'm going to shuffle around. thank god i haven't gone so far as to wear socks on my feet, or all i'd need is to be hunched over and i'd be mistaken for an actual old person.
well, if you haven't noticed, i've gone a bit crazy here all by myself. yes. it's sad but, let's face it, this was going to happen eventually. luckily, i'll be back to my normal-yet-not-normal self tomorrow when i get back to school. and actually have something to do. yes. speaking of, i think i'll go and write up the terms i'm sure i missed in economics. and, luckily, i won't have to make those cupcakes i dreamt i had to make for economics last night.
oh! but tomorrow i'm baking those chocolate chip muffins for the VD party. i can't wait. i love chocolate chip muffins. but, sorry...i won't be making any healthy muffins for the party b/c i've already made them...and ate them all...hey, i was sick and i wanted muffins.
okay, so i doubt anyone read this, but, hey, it's cool. anyway, i'll say goodbye nonetheless. after all, i have to sign off somehow...i can't just stop in the middle of a sentence...it would be...

Ack! the shame of such a one...

it's official...i have caught whatever's been going around the school. and it's a relief. i mean, i knew i was going to catch it at some point, but I didn't know when. so i was just waiting. and wondering. for a time there, it felt like a piano suspended above my head. luckily, i started getting sick on thursday night instead of monday night. because if it had've been monday, i would have been out for the whole week instead of just today. let me tell you, i'm sick most of the time (i always seem to pick up every cold that goes around in between sinus infections), but it doesn't normally drain me so much as this. normally, when i get really sick, i start crying randomly. but this time, i'm crying irrationally. like last night, i was sleeping and then one of my dogs woke me up. and then i was too hot to go back to sleep (imagine that!) so i shoved all my blankets off of my bed and started crying. because i couldn't get comfortable. and the tv was too loud. and my mom wouldn't go to bed and leave the house silent. and my puppy wasn't in my room. yep. cried for an hour. and today, i didn't want to go to the book nook (gasp!). yeah, i know. my mom even offered to pay for a book. yeah, i said "no." and i sat home all day and watched superman. i did. three superman films in a row. and i'm about to watch another. i hate superman. i scare myself when i get this sick and cranky. and i scare my mom, too. because i don't ever really cry unless i'm majorly sick. so she's checking on me like every five minutes...
well, i should go; my fever's coming back and i want brownies. which i'll have to make. oh! i'm baking muffins for the VD party on thursday. i hope everyone likes chocolate chip. but if you don't, i'll probably supply like a couple of banana muffins, too...if i remember. they're actually quite good. well, bye.

because shrieking bats live in my house...

i just went and voted. yep. i am officially a voter. who did i vote for? ah, i'll leave that up to you. okay. so did you know that you can vote for people who have dropped out of the race? yeah, they had john edwards and john kerry on the balot. nice. they also had a couple of random people whose names i didn't ever remember hearing...oh! i voted for SPLOST. yep. we're getting a bigger library! well, blairsville is. i think i'd go there to see the new booka. but i doubt that i'd actually get any. yes, that's right. our libarary sucks.
well, anyway...i'm gonna go. bye now!

Lacrimosa

so i officially quit chorus...again. it makes me really sad. i love to sing, really i do. it's really amazing when notes rise out of you and tumble out into the world. i love that feeling, you know? but it's not like i have much opportunity to sing. i can't even sing at home. and not because i don't want to. no, my mom tells me often how much my voice creeps her out. it makes the hair on the back of her neck rise and "not in a good way." thanks mom. at least i can carry a tune. but, you know, she says my voice is really pretty, she just hates it. that's about the worst thing someone--especially your mother--could say to you, i think. but, i have, at least, gotten one compliment on my singing from a family member. yeah, it was about three or four years ago from my older brother. we were sitting in the car and i was just randomly singing and then he just complimented me. it was weird and i was incredibly happy. and now he insults me everytime he hears me. but, hey, at least he did actually give me a compliment. there was this other time that someone told me i would do very wel at opera, but i'm not sure i like that compliment as much. still, i'm very sad about my decision, but it had to be done. but we were going to sing some of my favorite songs!!!!!! but it's okay, really. i can always catch some time to sing when no one's home. and then quietly in a corner at school if everyone is loud enough. see, i hate singing in front of people. i mean, i do but i don't. i want to sing so much it makes me cry. but, hey. no worries, right? after all, i still have my writing, which is all good, really. and chocolate. chocolate always lifts anyone's spirits.

oh, on a brighter note, this semester isn't so bad, although i really liked last semester better. ah! i also now have a whole class devoted simply to the library--you know, instead of having a class where i did like eight days' work the whole semester and ran down to the library for the rest of the class. ah, the wonderfulness of newspaper. only that class has gone majorly downhill since my freshman year. i was supposed to be in it this semester, too, but luckily they had to drop the entire class so mrs. payne could teach more trig. i used to love newspaper, but i just wanted to escape that class after a while. really. there were only a couple of people in that class that actually cared. the rest just lazed around or wandered about the school and made sure our deadlines were blown to pieces. but i shouldn't be so harsh. i don't know exactly why they took the class. ack! this semester, i have a good amount of work to do, like always, but it seems as if i'm not doing anything at all. i like AP, of course, but not as much as i liked the other class (maybe it's the poetry). economics is better than i expected and i like it, but there's no real...i don't know how to describe it...it feels like there's a lot of empty space in there...or something, you know? and then there's third block. the library! i love it. i don't do as much in there, really, as in other classes, but angela and i are working hard on pathways. so much so that i'm afraid no one else is going to get the opportunity. But! we have some really great prose this year. yep, ed and erika, ellie and...well, angela and i...god. every year, i am completely surprised by the amount of my stuff that makes it into the 'yes' pile. is my stuff really that good, or is it just that i turn more stuff in than anyone else? well, whatever. i'm just worried that, because i'm an editor, people think i just put my stuff in pathways, regardless of what people say. and that's absolutely not true. if it were up to me, nothing of mine would get put in pathways. but, unfortunately, due (in large part) to peer pressure, i put my stuff in. oh! we voted on a cover, and the choice makes me incredibly happy. i won't reveal anything else; if you want to find out all the awesome stuff we have for pathways this year, you'll just have to buy it (yep, that's right, i'm trying to up our sales through use of my blog).

well, i've kept you all long enough (as if anyone's actually going to read this, seeing as how my blog has weirded out). so, sadly, i must say goodbye and end this blog on a happy note. bye!