so marks the end of bleach...for now

meh, i just finished watching the last episode of bleach...well, it's not really the last episode, i simply caught up with all 154 of the japanese releases...and the next episode doesn't come out until january 9th!!!! and avatar is on a break, too...sigh...maybe i should go back to watching naruto: shippuden...i think i'm like five episodes behind...or something like that...waah! and all my favorite manga haven't been updated in a while (or, like hanazakari no kimitachi e, are completed)...it makes me sad, it does. now how am i going to amuse myself in my free time? i should just watch death note...i mean, that was a pretty awesome manga...still, it's depressing...you know how many things i have to keep up with? all right. i'm keeping up with vampire knight, bleach, naruto (anime and manga), avatar: the last airbender, ouran high school host club, and several other randoms here and there...ack! there's a new bleach movie called "diamond dust rebellion" that just came out in the japanese theatres on the 22nd, and it's totally awesome-looking! it's about my favorite character: hitsugaya toshirou...and, even tho it's out already, i have to wait months to see it! all because it has to come out in stores and then be translated (tho i'm sure there're going to be a few pirated versions, but those'll be crappy quality so no point even looking for those...)! it makes me sad...hmmm...there was a naruto: shippuden movie coming out, tho i don't know when that was...perhaps i'll go check that out...bye, all!

my memory is slipshod, at best

b-109...i have to remember that...why? well, because. that's right. no real explanation...why would i need one? well, possibly to help me remember what that vague reference means. well, hopefully i'll remember without details but, then, one never knows. does anyone ever think about time? oh, i don't mean the time of day or whatever. no, i mean in the broader sense of the term. time is eternal and finite all at the same time. but does it stretch on forever or circle back? ir is it simply endless, following no direction whatsoever, simply there, as one might put it? i don't know...does anyone? then again, time, like anything else, i suppose, is what you make of it. time is the ultimate illusion and yet the only real thing we can claim. circles within circles. everything, it seems is part of a larger circle. but that doesn't necessarily hold true for time. history repeats itself, running in a never-ending cycle. but history is history and can't repeat itself. history, after all, is the collection of past moments. so it can't be repeated. no, humans, however, often repeat themselves. oh, societies and situations change, but we can't help ourselves, can we? we simply go on and on, in the same endless wheel and expect everything else to follow. so, using that logic, wouldn't time be linear? but, if one were to apply that logic to anything else, nothing would go around in circles. it would all be an illusion. which is exactly my point, as confusing as it is. we can't fathom anything goign out of the strict lines and boundaries we ourselves live by. so we automatically assume everything is as it should be and so everything is, despite how illogical things seem at a particular moment. but, i didn't mean to go off into some little rant. actually, that wasn't my intention. it just goes to show what happens when i blog without anything to say...

the christmas that almost wasn't

my christmas morning went fairly well, i think. well, despite my having woken up at 5:00 with a migraine. yeah, that kinda sucked...luckily, though, after about a half-hour debate, i managed to roll out of bed and find some aspirin. all was good. well, my mom woke me up at seven so that everyone could open their presents. i got sweaters and money and...a HEATED BLANKET!!!!! oh, it's so great! you know, i think i mentioned to my mom (as a joke, really) a couple of months ago that i was eventually going to get myself an electric blanket, considering that i'm always cold (i have, currently, seven blankets and my new heated blanket on my bed...and yet no one else is cold...go figure...). well, she got me one! isn't that awesome?!? well, i think it is, but only because i'm won over by weird things like that. i thought things would be weird, considering, but, strangely enough, my mom and i fall back into this same rhythm, and don't speak about things...it's like the whole thing is totally forgotten or, rather, didn't happen. but it did. still, my christmas so far has been great and tomorrow i'm going shopping...and then possibly i will see phil and anna in a couple of days! oh, gosh! i haven't seen phil in so long! i'm so excited. he's the best, really. he's just great, so fun and bouncy to be around.
well, anyway...i should go...last night i got hit with about three story plots, all from different angles, and now i have to go write them down. alas, if only sugar plum fairies danced in my head instead of characters from stories not yet written...

bad days always begin with good news

my cousin was born last night. yeah, she was born around nine and weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces. i heard she was really, really cute and that she already has everyone at her beck and call. after being woken up at eight in the morning with the news, my day went fairly okay. and then stuff happened. a simple sentence led to a misunderstanding and then someone blew everything way out of proportion. so i'm stuck feeling guilty when i only said one little thing. and it wasn't even mean or anything, you know? but someone took it the wrong way and now things are tumbling down. funny, though, how when bad things happen they don't hit you for a little while. in a couple of days, i'm sure i'll feel it but for right now, i'm rather calm. odd, that. so, i'll explain things when i get back to school. for right now, though, i'd rather not go into it...

if only i didn't ever have to tie my shoes...

nnh. you know, i had been feeling off for a while, but i wasn't entirely sure what was wrong. I mean, there were times when i felt like i was living out three different lives, and none were mine. have you ever felt that way? stil, since quitting my job, i really began to understand what was wrong. and, i can't really explain it, but i'll try. it was like three different colors were splashed across my life, each with it's own tangle of mangled shades and feelings. And at the center was me, lost in a sea of gray clouds. It was as if i were searching for myself in those mismatched colors, never realizing that each was me. And yet none were. but it's better now. my days aren't so cut up. i think i just needed to stop for a moment and think about it. i also have to think about cutting a few knotted strings, too...you know, random trappings which only serve to distract you. yup. you know, i would love to know what a psychiatrist would think of me. that could be interesting. but, you know, i'm probably too overdramatic. best not to overthink things. well, since i'm currently distracting myself from deep thought, i think i shall leave you all to watch bleach.
oh, but wait! there are friend/family updates: angela was in the hospital today to get her toncils taken out. everything went fine, but i think i'll have her explain the afternoon to you all; i'm sure her account would be much more amusing. i must say, tho, that my ecperience was, apparently, quite amusing. yeah...apparently, when i woke up, my world turned blue...and i remember that the "wild and crazy dreams" the doctors predicted i would have while under did not, in fact, actually happen. i had completely normal dreams. weird, huh? and i found the world, apparently, to be moving far too fast for me...i do remember, tho, that i was really cold. yeah, they had like five heated blankets on me...angela seemed cold, too. you know, she went to visit me after i had my toncils taken out...and i visited her! liz and amber came, too, and we had quite the time. we completely transformed that hospital room.
well, my aunt was supposed to have her baby over the weekend. she didn't. so she went in to the doctor's on tuesday night and they induced her. only she still hasn't had the baby. apparently she's only like six centimeters dialated and the pain medicine they gave her (that really powerful stuff they shoot right into your back) isn't working at all. so she's in a lot of pain right now. but she'll pull through. i'm confident. anyway, the doctor's going to visit her sometime this evening and if she's still not dialating correctly, they're going to give my aunt a c-section. so my cousin should be born either tonight or tomorrow. hopefully.
well, i'm going to go watch bleach now...bye!

parents can be stupid, too...mine especially

all right. i'm going to complain. seeing as how my parents are, in fact, hindering my health, i believe i have the right. you know, my parents smoke in the house, but, as i have asked, they do not smoke while i am in a room with them. so they move from room to room, depending on where i am or what i'm doing. well, apparently, my mother doesn't like that. "i am sick and tired of moving from room to room, stephanie!" she yelled a couple of minutes ago. yeah, well, i'm sick and tired of not being able to breathe like a normal person and that is, most definitely, through no fault or choice of my own...but, then, i forgot you were born craving cigarettes, mom. please, forgive me my lapse in memory...anyway, i said, "yeah, well i don't like having asthma, but there it is..." to which my stepdad replied, "you don't have asthma."
...no. i don't have asthma. i've been deluding myself for six years now. yep. and i've even tricked my doctor into believing it, too. grr. i must say, to all the parents out there, that you are not God. you are not infalliable and you must realize this. instead of getting annoyed by a child's simple request regarding their health, you really should at least listen and consider. because doing anything less makes you look like a selfish idiot.
...okay...i'm finished. really, i just needed to get that out there. i've lived around smokers my whole life...and my asthma went untreated for quite a long time...and my family wonders why i complain so much. sigh. oh well, anyway, i should probably stop this little half-rant...it does no good to rail uselessly against my parents on a blog...still, bad habits and all that...well, bye!

washing dishes makes me rant...

i both love and hate washing dishes. i love washing dishes...i just hate washing my family's dishes...okay...why can they not understand the neccesity of rinsing their plates off directly after they use them? i mean seriously. they just throw their dishes into the sink, stuff just stuck on, and walk away, letting food cake on the dishes i have to spend a lot of time cleaning. and why do i have to spend a lot of time cleaning them???? BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS A BUNCH OF SLOBS!!!!! grr! ahhhh! if i have to spend any more of my time trying to wash off gued-on syrup and BBQ sauce, i am going to do something rash (such as throwing those plates away!)! AND it's mostly food i would never in my life ever consider eating! because, ewww, they have horrid taste in food (maybe it's just me, but this is my rant and i'm not allowing any self-depricating comments here). meh! it's not so hard, really. simply turn the water on, and hold the plate under the water for a couple seconds until most of the food is fairly off. i can deal with the rest. but, no, if your entire plate is covered with an inch-thick layer of syrup (why so much syrup!!!?!?!?!?!?!), i'm going to take it that you're lazy and slovenly. yes. why, why must i be saddled with people who don't understand the word "sanitary?" sniff. the water makes my nail polish flake off...
okay, i'm done. what now? what other chore have they contrived for the now nearly-liberated stephanie? sniff. i'm cold, i want to play final fantasy XII, and my mother is screaming at the football game!!!!! i want to go back to work (i got food i liked there)! well, i don't really want to go back to work. i'm finished with the place. i'd much rather return to school.
okay, so my rant is over. you can all thank me later. well, so long!

bleh

all right. so i quit my job. that's right. well, mainly because will was fired. yup. and then there's the fact that domino's has been a bit...wretched in regards to its employees. so, i quit. and i feel really happy about it. i do feel a tiny bit guilty, tho, for having left in seemingly such a hurry. but, this now means that i'll have to find another job. not to worry, tho. i know of a couple places that are hiring. so it's not the end of the world or anything of that nature. well, i'm going to leave now, to enjoy my small independence...i think i'll go read or sleep or something...bye now!

ah, finally...something worth posting...

yesterday, my mom took me to the bank and i got a new checking account. basically b/c my mom doesn't want to have to deal with any of my college expenses (well, until she absolutely has to, that is). anyway, after that, we went to the dollar store. we were just walking around and i suddenly heard my name being called. i turned but, as i couldn't see anyone, i continued on my way until a very loud "effie" rang through the store. It was angela!!!! and mugen. they, apparently, were out with mrs. millie and brittany, shopping for stuff, too. yes. apparently, mugen smelled vanilla and immediately assumed i was in the store. and angela went and found me. well, to make a long story short, i ended up at angela's house for the night. and it was FUN. tho, we did spend a while at the gas station. yep. and MC almost ran angela and i down. not really. but she was there, too. at the gas station, that is. well, after we filled up, we went to my house and got my things. and i got...DDR! that's right. Dance Dance Revolution. so we got to angela's house and broke out DDR. after a little while of that, i switched to guitar hero...did you know that it's extremely hard to switch between those two games? it messes with the mind. well, after GH, i played DDR again. and then GH again. and then i read. but, basically, angela and i had a lot of fun messing around with DDR. and, since i never have the opportunity to play the game at my house, i gave DDR to angela. hey, DDR is HARD. especially when the mat keeps moving and so you have to migrate with it until you've come to place the whole room between yourself and the TV, not to mention a few pieces of furniture.
oh, i just texted my mom, you know, to say good morning and everything. well, she texts back and asks for my address. i'm thinking, okay, she means e-mail, right? well, when i asked her, she said, "no, like to send cards and stuff to." so, here i'm thinking i've somehow been kicked out of the house in the single night that i was away and so i call her up. well, apparently, she didn't look at the number and just thought it was my older brother who was texting her. it was horrible and funny and the same time. she kept apologizing because she felt so bad for scaring me and i was just laughing my head off. so, i'm in a fairly good mood today. but now i must go b/c i have a new, unread book (angela's book) to read. bye!

erm...nothing really exciting has happened to me in a while, i mean, besides the writer's club/book club party we had this morning, but that wasn't as exciting as the fact that people liked my muffins. that's right. i made chocolate chip muffins. and they're all gone. so, basically, i have nothing to blog about. oh. i braided my hair today. it took me a while to get it to look all right, but i managed. well, it's second block right now and angela and i are in the library. again. it's not so bad. since our group finished our little project thingie monday and mrs. nichols is letting everyone finish up, we decided to leave the class, but only because angela wanted peace and i wanted...well, i don't really know what i want to do. odd, huh? my life, i'm afraid, is in bad need of excitement. really. either that, or i need some new books. books. yes...mayhap my mom will take me to the book nook this afternoon if i ask her really nicely...yup. i have money, too. my great-aunt sandy just sent me some for christmas. aww...she's only ever forgotten me once. she always sends stuff. and her cards are so cute! i wonder how she's doing. i miss that side of my family. my mom is always saying that we'll go visit, but then she changes her mind at the last minute. hopefully, though, i'll be going up to pennsylvania for spring break. and then i'll get to meet my new cousin, who is definitely being born this week. yeah, the doctors told my aunt that they're going to induce her if she doesn't have the baby. They're rather concerned about her health and whatnot. but she's doing fine, i hear. and so is the baby. gosh, my grandmother is so excited. she's acting as if this is her first grandchild. aww. poor lexi. spoiled before she was even born. well, when she learns to read, i'll send her lots and lots of books. oh, lord. the poor thing, she is going to get pink-shot when she's born b/c my aunt and grandmother have done absolutely everything in pink. i'll have to send my cousin some darker shades, just to give her a bit of variety. well, the bell just rung, so i have to go. bye!

if the sky was green instead of blue, what color would the clouds be?

so i've finished my essay, well, besides a few corrections here and there, and i am rewarding myself with a marathon of Bleach. meanwhile, my mom is busy bustling around the house, putting up christmas decorations and whatnot. My stepdad has fled the house in terror of my mother's whilrwind fury, and my brother is amusing himself with some show or game or movie...football, maybe? anyway, when i get everything in order concerning my essay, i shall have to go through the unbearable process of putting it onto my e-mail and printing it out at school. lovely. which means i'll have to completely re-format it. still, it'll be fine. i'll get it together, present it to kriegy, and hope i get a decent grade. yup. mostly out of my hands. hmm.
well, to further enlighten you all about my doings and happenings, i shall continue, though i must admit from here on out it's not too exciting. i'm going to go as long as i can watching bleach (well, until i'm finally kicked off the computer or have to go to work) and then return to dominoes, where hopefully i won't explode. mugen was fired last night. and for nothing at all. it's odd, tho. mugen's been there the longest, knows everything there is to know, works fast, and does nearly everything perfectly. and yet he was fired. and replaced with a guy who shakes when he makes misshapen pizzas. makes me sad. and i won't be able to see him much at all anymore. which is extremely sad. people are quite nonsensical, really. i wonder, though, whether or not anyone can change that.
ah, i shouldn't watch the clouds too often. it fills my head with unusual questions. and, apparently, causes people to worry about me. it's sweet that they care, but i don't want to worry anyone. i'm fine, just reaching enlightenment, or going stark raving mad (well, not so much raving), or whatever. so don't worry, ne?
anyway, i should go. i must return to bleach!

"what is this?" she asked me, a smile in her sorrow-filled eyes...

so nothing happens to me, so my life propbably sucks. but i don't care. the world, i think, is a jumble of broken things, and people themselves are shards placed haphazardly together, their edges cutting those around them. but, occassionaly, there are times when the edges soften and you see in that person what they could be, if only they knew. there are moments when you look up at the sky and realize just how small you always were. and it comforts you, because the world has so many things left to see. even if you were to die tomorrow, your life will never be over, because somewhere, some place where the sky touches the earth, there are a thousand possibilities waiting for you. it's a comfort, i think, when things seem bad, when the world seems darker than the night. If people will only look around, they'll realize there's so much more than the miseries in life. anything is beautiful, i think, if you look past what is there to see.
so that didn't make sense, but believe me, i've said a great many more things which make even less sense than the above. Don't be swallowed in misery just because it's an easy thing to do.

I'm allowed to have my quirks

I can say, absolutely, that last night's hour-long episode of Avatar: the Last Airbender was just awesome! Some big secrets were revealed and, though I had already figured out most of them, I was pleasantly surprised by their having been revealed. Not to mention that it was just a cool episode. I think I liked "Day of Black Sun" more than I liked "The Puppetmaster," which totally went into an ability I and several other fanfic-writers predicted. For most people, being able to figure out all the secrets behind the show normally makes them lose interest, but Avatar is really a neat little show and figuring out evereything just makes me want to watch to see how it all plays out.
yeah, so i wanted to bubble about avatar for a bit. other than that, though, nothing much has happened to me...well, except for some very cool dreams, but, then, that always seems to be the way of my dreams.
My house is empty right now; everyone has gone off to bowling...so i can pretty much do whatever i want...it's a pity there's nothing i really want to do. sad, really. well, actually, there is something i want to do. I want to watch the next episode of Avtar. but, alas, I cannot. so i shall have to amuse myself in some other fashion...but not by reading fanfictions. there are hardly any of any realy quality, so i might as well not even look...i know! i can write another chapter on my existing Avatar fanfic and then start another! won't that be fun? it will. all right! then i shall say farewell! bye!