broken sunshine

so...bored...
my parents left on some road trip, the first real trip they've taken without us...ever. it's fine with me; i hardly notice it. but i'm not allowed to go anywhere while they're gone. which sucks. i mean, i can only find so much amusement online.
ugh. all right. today is what, the thirtieth? last day of june? monday, right? yeah...all weekend with just my brothers has driven me up the wall...but, really, they're more afraid of me when my parents aren't home than when they are. so at least they're being more behaved than usual. still, the first of july is tomorrow...and, while i'm glad that the summer is nearly half over (seriously. you just don't understand how boring my summers tend to be...well, on a day-to-day basis. white water rafting was fun), i'm getting antsy. a whole bunch of much-anticipated books come out this summer...at the end of july. in august. so far away, really...still, i'm sure the time will fly...and soon enough, i'll find myself walking around the college, tearing my hair out over the fact that i have so much to do...i'll be wishing for the large amounts of free time i have on my hands right now...even if it is boring.
in the meantime, i've been amusing myself by looking up gothloli stuff...not that i'd actually get anything...still, it's pretty cool. but, unfortunately, all the good costumes are sold in japan and are really, really expensive...not to mention the shipping...so, yet again, never going to get anything...
all right, enough rambling. i'm off to find something to keep me occupied for a while...maybe i'll go and watch more monty python (nobody expects the spanish inquisition!). bye!

finite nuances

i got my laptop! yay! finally. i'm pretty happy. yeah, but it seems like my laptop is going ot be the cause of many a sleepless night. my laptop now allows my brain to go faster when it wants to randomly make things up. i mean, i type waaaay faster than i can actually write...so last night was long...and i managed to get a lot of things done, oddly enough. it also might give me neck and back problems, as i was leaning down to see the screen for nearly four hours straight...sitting hunched over is not good for posture, apparently. huh. who knew?
well, other than that, i'm about to freak out because i can't find a whole bunch of my files. yep. i had them on a cd and the cd just up and disappeared. can't find it anywhere...that disk is like five years worth of creative work and it's nowhere to be found. and i have to find it because the files on my old computer won't convert, and i don't exactly feel like taking forever to simply copy and paste the work into some other program. believe me; it takes a while. so, i guess i'm going to have to tear apart my house looking for it.
oh, my parents are gone for the weekend/week. yep...woke up at like four this morning and went off on their little road trip. and my mom HAD to wake me up. she came in, shook me awake, and told me they were about to leave. and they left. yeah, after about an hour of going in and out of the house, slamming the door each and everytime, stomping around the house, and generally making as much noise as possible. lovely. so i've been up for a while...with very little sleep last night, as my laptop kept me amused and awake for a good long time.
well, i should leave now...i've got more things to do...ja na.

lonely but for the faerie raft beneath...

darkness creeps, nary a hint of sun, as she leans from the window, gazing in wonder at the stars whose colors shine with a different light. and what does her frame lay upon but a hill filled with shining hopes? those thoughts and dreams twine about her and sink below to fill halls of silver and gold, where the fairest dwell in ease. a mighty court, dressed in finery and word-spun silk, gaze up at those threads which bring to them the world. and so well did her heart beat they stole her from the hilltop, whispering lullabies along the way. so forever did she stay beneath, still form dressed in colors unknown, to sleep and dream for the eternal fae.
dreams are but whispers in the ears of time, slowly drifting as observers, helpless in sleep, are swept up with the current. sleep not upon hills of impossible green for who knows what visions lurk beneath?

dancing in moonlight

so the solstice is tonight. i have no real special plans...but, gosh...the full moon was yesterday, wasn't it? so close. but, back to solstice plans...you know, every year my mom and i get invited to this big midsummer festival out in the midwest. i'm going to go one year, i swear. unfortunately, lack of funds keeps me pretty much stationary...awww...and it looked so fun this year, too! well, like i said: someday...for now, i can only have small celebrations. but, sadly, as i work tomorrow, i can't really do anything...which is sad. i'd really like to have spent the day making cakes, dancing and singing, and just being generally merry. i wish i could have woken up with the sun and whatnot, spent the day in fun, festival-like activities, and then watched the sun set...but i didn't. i woke up at noon (after being up until like half an hour before the sun rose), and then i had a giant dose of laziness and spent most of my time playing Final Fantasy...but, hey...it works. i had a nice day of rest...
well, this is my last weekend of work. yay. now the rest of my summer can be spent without having to worry about the stupid little dramas of the nursing home...god, it's worse than high school in that place, what with all the grudges, talking behind people's backs, and gossip. it's really quite tiring. besides, my lungs are really acting up this summer...and my ribs, too...so it's better if i get some rest and see the doctor and whatnot before college.
speaking of college, i'm pretty excited. a bit apprehensive, but excited. i am ready for it. well, not quite. my laptop still hasn't arrived. in fact, the order was canceled and i had to reorder it. partly my fault. i don't normally remember to check my e-mail on a daily basis and missed an important e-mail...which sucks, but hopefully i'll get my laptop soon...considering i first ordered it a month ago...
i want it to rain. i like the rain. but everytime it rains, i'm either cooped up at work or asleep. i like to dance. and the rain glitters so invitingly.

"Perhaps we've been incorrectly labeled..."

so the scottish festival was fun. i didn't really get to go on saturday...well, except for the concert for Hunting McLoed (spl?). we made so many friends there. and, well, i just can't explain in words how awesome it was...
okay, onto something else...ah! i have three more days of working at the nursing home and then i'm gone...and then next month i'm going to the doctory, the eye doctor, the lung specialist, and whatnot...you know, to make sure that i have everything in order for college...i might have to go and get another TB test, seeing as i work at the nursing home...but i already had one...so, i might just have to get those records sent over to yhc...idk. but i will, most likely, have to get another one b/c i got a TB test when i started and i've been there for a while. well, whatever.
so, basically, i'm not really doing anything for the rest of the summer. except, well, to go to START at yhc and have some fun with angela and liz. and whoever...will's birthday is on the 11th, so we'll have to see what's happening with that...i wonder if he's doing anything for his birthday or if he'll have it later, considering he's going to START on that day...
well, enough of my ramblings...i'm going to write some and listen to the wonderful Narnian music that's playing from my living room...that's right. my parents are watching narnia. and the ONLY reason i'm not in there watching it with them is because i've already got most of the film memorized.
all right, bye, people!

sunshine, daisies...and a snowstorm!

eh, i can't wait until the weekend...it's going to be so fun...liz is coming for the weekend and the scottish festival is going to be here! isn't it great??? i just hope it doesn't rain too much...i don't mind the rain, really, but the festival might be canceled if it rains too much...which would be horrible. IT'S RAIN, PEOPLE! WATER! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MELT!!!!
i missed the festival last year because my mother was being idiotic...so i've been waiting for a LONG time for this weekend. i really have...
uggh...my laptop got delayed in production so it won't be shipped out for another week...that just makes me sad. i've been waiting for weeks...
well, there's not much else to say here...i mean, i don't lead the most interesting of lives...okay...so my room is now covered in post-it-notes...but, really, that's not too interesting...i mean, i've had maybe ten-fifteen hours of sleep in the past 72 hours...but it doesn't mean i'm cracked. yeah...well, the post-its are a product of my over-active imagination (which tends to wake up just around the time i want to go to sleep so i'm forced to turn my light back on, fumble around for pen and paper, put my glasses back on, and spend the next two or three hours writing stuff many people would consider nonsense...but, hey...it's all good, really!). i just HAD to research names, and then go on to write a few more scenes...really, this story is building differently than my other ones in the fact that it is NOT going in sequential order (like my stories normally do). and that just annoys...so, not only do i have to quick write these scenes down, but i also have to take the time to put them in order with the rest of my random pieces of paper.
but, enough about THAT. as i said, completely boring and non-interesting. so, i shall have to say farewell...

What do butterflies care?

okay, so it's hot. really hot. but not so hot as it is just plain muggy. horrible, really. and to think, i haven't been using my normal five blankets. it's surprising. even in summer i'm normally cold, but not this time. and it's not even summer yet! and, no matter how many times my step-dad cuts back the ivy, it just keep creeping in...we're being taken over. oh! but, speaking of plants, i planted some...yeah, just a little bit ago...some sweetpea, mint, forget-me-nots, basil, catnip, rosemary, and i think that's it...i might be forgetting something, but it's okay. the plant, i'm sure, will forgive me.
so, is there any drama for me to report? well, none that i'd care to. well, except for the fact that i am so extremely bored, i would like to cry. but, hey...nothing new there. my life is not interesting...unless you count my crazy family interesting. but, really, after living with it for a while, it's just annoying. no longer interesting in the least. sorry.
oh, how i would like to report that i've been sleeping well, not disturbed by random, made up facts for a story i haven't even really started yet. but, alas, i AM disturbed. i would like to, right now, tell my imagination that i am really tired of all the sleepless nights, the sudden need to get up and abandon my long-awaited tv show...that i really would like, now and then, to eat something other than crackers and string cheese. but, hey, it's not going to listen to me. i've tried it before...doesn't work. but at least i've been eating a little bit more than i used to...i mean, i added cheese...and i eat hotpockets and chicken every now and then...wow...looking back on all of my summers, i know now why i stayed under a hundred pounds for so long...i didn't really start gaining too much weight until i started working at dominos last summer...and i was all too glad to gain weight there. mmm...pizza.
well, back to sheer boredom...i would watch a movie or something, but i don't know what i want to watch...there are so many...or i could (sigh) go and draw that map my story's been screaming at me to draw...but, you know, i still have to get a few things in order before i do that...i guess i could outline those three religions...THAT's going to be fun. not. i have to put threads of each into the others and then set down the differences, make sure nothing's too repetitive, you know, the usual stuff...i mean, they're basically in sequential order...just separated by maybe a thousand years or so...speaking of which, after i set down the general basis for each one, i have to go through any evolutions on the part of the actual practices, any corruptions, degenerations, all that good stuff...yeah, my imagination YET AGAIN taking over my life...
well, i should get cracking...bye!

aww, crap! i have to start on that language...i have to at least have it for some of the religious rituals i KNOW i'm going to have to write down...dammit...and there's one crucial part of the plot which revolves around that language...grr...i hate me...well, not really...i just annoy the crap out of myself sometimes...now, am i going to base it off the english language structure, or get down into the latin languages? or i could go completely random and base it off of something else...hmm...must think on this...

cry into the night's rain

when it rains, we touch a sky lowered by sorrow. gray and filled with clouds, that hidden, endless expanse reflects a troubled heart with such ease--even as the cool air seeps through imagined barriers. but in the rain lies a secret triumph. drops of water, so crystalline and glimmering, hide what tears we shed. so the world remains happy in the face of a crowded emptiness.can you imagine the horror of the rain in a solitude world? the water drips, eerie and loud, against ears no longer used to laughter. do not leave us in the rain alone, friend of mine. we cannot bear to dance in this dim without your light.

but the rain, as always, passes, lifting the pall that grips our hearts. yet, without you, Oh glimmering Star, the world continues on, not as bright, not as glorious as before the storm. so do not blink out, do not fail those dreams you set. for if your wishes flicker and disappear, how will we find our way back to the memories you gave? we ask not for a new sun in the dark, but rather a candle in the night. confort us again, i beg, and leave us not alone in this desperate, starless night. though we clasp the hands of others, we cannot coax the moon to rise without youe smile.

please, mind not the rainstorm we harbor. think only of your own troubled seas. we will follow when these clouds clear again.

such a pity it is my voice cannot wing its way to your wounded heart.