Woe be to Bonaparte

So, i talked to Dr. Lawrence (the new director of the honors program, and also the literary magazine person) and found out that i could do a project from the class of my choice to fill in for the other honors requirement. So of course I picked my survey of civ class...and i'm doing a paper on Napoleon Bonaparte. Yep. I'm thinking of focusing it on his military endeavors, especially his brash march into Russia. i'm really quite excited about it. oddly enough, i rather like writing essays and such. it's a fun (well, besides the MLA thing. ick). Yep. I also have term papers in my geography class and my music appreciation class. in geography, i'm probably going to do something relating to the ice age (probably possible causes of a new ice age and what would be the consequences of that). and i'm not sure what my topic is in music appreciation yet (because it's going to be about a composer, and mr. bauman has yet to tell us any hint about it...but i'm waiting).

so, i'm going to go and find some ebooks on bonaparte (because i don't want to leave my dorm room to go to the library) and start on my research. i think i might just also begin my geo. research as well (more so that i can get a general idea of my topic than anything else).

ja ne!

In absolute insanity

okay, so i've started classes. yay! finally. and i nearly gave the parsimonious scot in me a stroke by getting all of my books ($652 in total) in one day. yikes. luckily, tho, it was paid for by my scholarships and stuff (note to self: remember to light candles every year for wonderful scholarship people). Well, I've already been given a written assignment. For honors music appreciation. We had to type up this half-page comparison paper...and i went a little overboard. oh, it didn't go over a page, but i still went all out for it. three paragraphs and no be-verbs to speak of. sigh. really, i should learn to control myself. i think it's okay, though, because the honors music appreciation class works in conjunction with the honors english 101 (which i'm not in...so i have to go and speak to someone about additional projects or something). Angela and I are also on the hunt for Ms. Louisa Franklin, the woman in charge of the literary magazine here...but, she hasn't been in her posted locations, so it's hard to pin her down (incidentally, she is the one i have to talk to about those honors projects).
my schedule is rather nice. i have three classes on monday (plus a two+ hour lab to go with my science class), two class on tuesday, three on wednesday, one on thursday, and three on friday...yep. i have five classes. 16 hours. my mom was complaining that the load would be too much, but i think i can handle it...until that mental breakdown. then things could get hairy.
our dorm is nice, if lacking in any sort of color...uggh, so many white walls. luckily for us, tho, we had a giant poster of ireland we pinned up on the wall...and we got to hide the other walls with furniture...now, all we have to do is cover up the puke-beige of our built-in closets/drawers...

And she is lost in the garden of woe...

so, today i've been really...well, bored. haha. i'm almost always bored, right? well, i decided to do something about it today...so i watched a U2 concert, Hitchhiker's Guide, and Rent. I also, oddly enough, went around my house singing U2 songs and stuff from the Clash. my mom gave me her i-have-no-idea-WHERE-you-came-from look and then went about her business...funny stuff. but, right now, i'm reading manga and entertaining myself by bopping about to music only i can hear. you really should try it sometime; it's quite fun.
well, there's really nothing else to report, so i guess i'll go now...and try and come up with entry titles which don't seem so gloom-and-doom...

wow. such civility from such a boorish idiot...

uggh. i am so tired. okay. so i got shot up with steriods on tuesday so that the muscles around my ribcage would relax enough to let my rib settle back in place. yeah. the doctor had to give me the injection right over my unconforming rib (it hurt). at that point, once i got over the initial pain of having a giant needle shoved nearly to my bone, i thought everything would be honkey dory. but no. what they don't tell you is that having a bone "settle back in place" hurts. bad. but, fortunately, i've a had a little bit of emotional trauma this week, so everything's all balanced out. which is good. i wouldn't want to feel emotionally exultant with my ribs aching so much. it just wouldn't be right.
but, no. seriously. i'm fine, just really tired. i get to take aspirin if i hurt too much so i'm only ever in discomfort rather than real pain. and it really does feel as if my rib has decided to conform. so this will all be over soon. i hope. what really baffles me still, though, is how exactly it got that way in the first place. it's a real mystery.
okay, on the non-health issues...my younger brother went back to school yesterday. such a weird feeling not to have started the first day of school with him. but, you know, i got over it. i've been home sick so many times that it doesn't bother me when he's at school and i'm not. oh, but he's a senior. and hopefully he won't fail any classes this year. if he does, he won't have enough credits to graduate, poor thing. and then we'd have to explain to my grandmother why he isn't graduating. well, my mother will. and she would not be happy about that, let me assure you.
so, i move in to the dorms a week from now. i really can't wait, mainly because it's this "i'm so close it's getting annoying" waiting is just hard. still, not too eager to begin the rest of my life. a bit intimidating, i can assure you. but, things will work out. now whether it comes out bad or good has yet to be seen.

desperation lasts for only a measure

Why does the heart beat slow to those rhythms we never notice? And why does it quicken, draw our attention when we wish for time to stop? footsteps beat patiently across floors, though our paces grow restless, uneasy. where do those footsteps lead? and why can we not see their purpose? we can never know, i think, where we are meant to walk, but that abscence of knowledge still wounds, still saddens. and the heart, despite its yearnings, grows weary with every frantic, searching thought. things flicker to life from shadowy, unknown corners and we cry to soften their slow burn. we would seek to stop the endless, blazing fear that loneliness will take us. Why does the heart beat so strongly when it seems so weak? And how can we urge the nocturne which sounds in the deepest part of ourselves into a trilling, triumphant symphony? Ah, but such fanfare only makes the contrast of a longing heart sharper. What but a graceful sonata can warm us? Still, time cares little for the notes our hearts play. It listens only in fervent devotion to the endless beat of our footfalls, pacing itself to always outdistance us. For time sees all things and pulls us inexorably towards the fates we unwittingly choose. So where do we stand, heartbroken and weary? Where else but against the wind, the triumph of our lives tugging at our lips?

The thing that Haunts us

so i read breaking dawn...it was pretty good. not to mention there were a few surprising moments for me, which is quite rare in books for me these days. i won't reveal anything here, of course, but i was bouncing off the walls just reading it. i'm probably going to re-read it tonight. it was THAT good. i've only ever re-read one other book the same day i first read it (maybe two, i can't remember).
so other than that, i had a nice day. well, mostly. at least until a couple of minutes ago. "sigh." parentals, especially non-parental-parentals, can be sooooo pissy. and moody. but, whatever. not my problem. i'll just be glad to get away for a while...it will calm my constitution. hah. kind of archaic, using the word "constitution" to mean my temperament and state of mind. well, no big deal, i think. i can be archaic if i so choose.
okay. well, there was something else i wanted to mention, but i seem to have forgotten. funny, when thinking of constitutions. but, i've got books on the brain. what was it i was thinking in the car on the way home? something like books being actual things to love? i think that was it; i can't remember too much because it was this morning. but, think about it. it's so easy to have a love-affair with a book, to close off the rest of the world and just dive in, emersing yourself in the energy of the story. words dance on off-white paper, beckoning the eyes. your fingers touch the pages and--especially with a good book--your desire to turn to the next part, the next chapter, is almost a compulsion. ah, but if a book seduces, then a bibliophile surely falls willingly. you get drawn in and the very earth could drop away. little else matters beyond going forward, exploring more. ah, so funny that words carry such double meanings. one simple word, one tiny phrase, can raise the awareness, can evoke a most unlimited response from an already captive heart.
ah, but i say all those things after just having spent a good eight hours with a wonderful book. so i must say i'm a bit biased. so, i'm going to go now, and find some other type of inanimate object to rhapsodize about...

The annoyance is clear

so, my week has gone pretty well, i think. of course, i can't remember much (it went by so slowly, so quickly). now i am just waiting for a certain e-mail...and reading a new book that i got (yay!!!!!). i'm getting a new book tomorrow, too. exciting, huh? ahh...so much drama unfolds around me, you'd think i'd be affected. but, it doesn't really work that way. my life is hardly touched by things around me, mainly because i'm either not paying attention or my mind is centered on other things (mainly my own problems...does that make me vain and self-centered? if i am, then i'm too selfish to worry about it. so there). sometimes, i mainly wonder if i've buried myself so deep that people don't see me. which may or may not be a good thing.
ah, but these little things are not important. especially when humans are self-centered creatures at heart. everything everyone does (i must admit, there can be exceptions) is done in order to satisfy some feeling or want...so people hardly care about the deeper feelings of others; those deeper, shadowy emotions frighten them. or confuse them. it's much easier to look at everything from the surface. thus the basis of morality and society today. if that makes any sense.
well, look at me, babbling on when no one cares...well, i should go...bye!